


Underneath Your Wings

by orphan_account



Category: Frank Iero and the Patience, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Bottom Frank Iero, Break Up, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fallen Angels, Guardian Angels, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kissing, M/M, Magic, Near Death Experiences, Poor Frankie, Post-Break Up, Reconciliation, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Supernatural Elements, Top Gerard Way, mentions of Queen, past asshole Gee
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 10:14:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13785330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Frank Iero should have died when a bus crashed into the touring van of his band. Yet he survived, because his guardian angel saved him and his friends. Yeah, guardian angel. Apparently they did exist and his was a girl by the name of Florence. His mind was fucking blown and he never would have expected the outcome of this goddamn mess.





	Underneath Your Wings

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [From Grace](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12324960) by [blood_infexions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blood_infexions/pseuds/blood_infexions). 



> Hi, this is my very first frerard and I hope you like it. The focus is on Frank, but Gee will show up eventually. Set around the events of Frank’s bus accident. Feedback would be greatly appreciated.

It was drizzling as a black van made its way through Sydney’s busy streets. Frank Iero was sitting in the back, scrolling through twitter and mentally preparing for the night ahead: the last of six concerts they were playing in this country. He was equally excited for tonight’s gig as he was ready to go home and see his family. Yesterday they had done a show in Carlton and by that time tomorrow they would be on their way back to Jersey already. His gaze swept through the van and he took in his band mates. Evan, his brother-in-law and guitarist, was napping next to him with his head against the window. Some of his short brown hair peeked out of the hood of his jacket and his glasses threatened to slip off his nose when he reached up and scratched his beard. Paul Clegg, their tour manager, and Matt Olsson, who played drums, were talking about the upcoming American leg of their tour. Both of them wore glasses and sported dark hair and a beard, just like their publicist, who was driving, and Alex Grippo, their bassist, who was texting in the passenger seat.

 

The thing was, every time Frank stopped to think about what they had created together, he couldn’t help but remember. Another van, another time, another band. He could almost smell the cigarettes, the tour stench and the coffee. Otter would be snoring in the back seat while Ray and Mikey would bicker over a movie or a game or something. And Gerard… _Fucking hell, just don’t think about it, you gotta survive another fucking interview_ , he admonished himself. But what he wouldn’t give to go back! Just for an hour or two, just… just to experience that feeling again. That feeling of belonging, of making a difference by creating something magnificent. He missed it, every fucking day. Not necessarily the big ass arena shows they had played towards the end, but the family they had become and the bond they had shared. _Should have known from the start that it was too good to last._

 

But here he was, at the opposite end of the world, always trying (though never really succeeding, in his opinion) to front his very own band. More often that not he was wondering what the fuck he was thinking and how the hell he was supposed to get the job done, but he managed… somehow. At least they had been on the road for only a week this time, so that the inevitable lack of showers and clean clothes had not become as much of a fucking nightmare as usual. On the downside they had had to settle on a van instead of a touring bus, because headlining their own small tour was definitely different from the bigger thing they had done with Roger Harvey and Jared Hart last year. The bus they had shared then had seen better days, for sure, but at least it had had actual beds. They had been driving for 10 hours straight from Melbourne. His back was fucking killing him. Frank let out a soft sigh. _That’s how you realize you’re getting old_ , he mused as they finally reached their destination. Fuck, he was about to turn thirty-five, how the hell had that happened so quickly? Whatever. He followed his friends out of the vehicle and stretched his sore body before trudging around to the back in order to grab their gear. Somewhere up there in the building in front of them, they were due to play a few acoustic songs in the twitter headquarters before they would rush off towards the venue of tonight’s gig. Metro Theater or something. He grabbed his rucksack and a little briefcase pedal board from the trunk when he realized they wouldn’t even need that. Acoustic, remember? So why carry it up there at all? _I’ll just take out the tuner and put it back_ , he thought as he set it down. Frank turned around to tell Evan and Paul, who were still unloading their stuff, but he never got to say it. „I think-...” That was as far as he got.

 

Something tackled him, hit him under the arm and knocked him down into the gutter. He let out an involuntary scream as he was dragged along the asphalt. His mind was going a mile a minute and it only took him a split-second to realize that the blue and white thing in front of his face was in fact the bumper of a city bus. _He has to know he hit us, why isn’t he stopping?_ , he wondered strangely calm. Only the massive vehicle _didn’t_ stop. That was when it sunk in. _All right, the tire’s gonna come at some point, that’s what’s next_ , he thought with absolute clarity. The ringing in his ears was only drowned by the screeching brakes and a whole lot of _noise_. Just as he was wondering where he was gonna get hit first, everything came to a halt. Frank’s heart was pounding like a jackhammer and he needed a moment to get his bearings. Then it all came crashing down on him. He was trapped underneath a bus, his entire body fucking _hurt_ and then there were the screams. It kinda sounded like Evan and Paul, but he wasn’t really sure, he could hardly think straight. As Frank managed to turn his head around, he caught a glimpse of his brother-in-law, who was sandwiched between the two vessels while glass was raining down on all of them. Frank tried to call for him and ask him whether he was okay (well, actually that was a fucking dumb question…), but Evan didn’t even hear him, because both he and Paul were screaming for their publicist to pull the van forward. Oh god, what had happened to the others?! Alex had already entered the building, but Matt? Cold dread pooled in Frank’s stomach. Whoever wasn’t in his field of vision had to be dead by now. This had to be a fucking nightmare, it couldn’t be happening for real!

 

An eternity seemed to pass before the crushed metal and the glass shards around them began to move. Inch by inch the van moved forward and Frank wriggled out of his backpack. The thing had like 80 straps all over it and some of those had to have gotten caught in the radiator grill or around the bumper. Oh, and it had saved him from being squashed against the gutter. He owed his life to a fucking rucksack. As soon as Evan and Paul were no longer jammed inbetween their van and the bus, they slumped down. Paul ended up on top of some of their gear in the trunk while Evan fell to the ground and croaked out: “I can’t feel my legs!” Oh, _shit!_ All kinds of horror scenarios rushed through Frank’s mind as he writhed out of the narrow space he had been trapped in. For the first time in forever he sent a silent prayer to whoever would listen. God, he really hoped that Evan wouldn’t end up paralyzed or something. He crawled over to him, bunched up his coat to put it under his head and held him. Evan was a fucking mess. He was pale and shivering, the glass had left small cuts all over his face and his glasses hung somehow askew upon his nose.

 

That was when Frank noticed the puddle of blood oozing from Paul’s injuries. It was the brightest red he had ever seen. There was no way of telling where exactly it came from, but it was a fucking _lot_ . Suddenly there was some kind of cop and tied something around his leg. Frank hadn’t even seen him coming, he was totally worn-out. Half an eternity seemed to pass before he was ushered aside by paramedics. Somewhere in the distance he heard a helicopter and there was an ambulance parked nearby. Alright. Things were gonna be okay, right? _Right_? Fuck, this could very well have been it. For all of them. And then Matt was by his side and asked him: “Oh my god, are you alright, man?” Frank could only stare at him. He was so fucking relieved he was okay! Somehow he managed to hug his friend and murmured: “Dunno, it’s just… everything kinda hurts, but… I have no idea.” Apparently that was enough of a reassurance for Matt, because he breathed a sigh of relief and said: “You should probably call your wife, it’s gonna be all over the Internet.” Frank immediately began fumbling for his phone. His fingers were quite a bit clumsier than usual, but eventually he managed to unlock it and dialed Jamia’s number.

 

Only a few minutes later he couldn’t even remember what he had actually said to her. Something along the lines of “There was a big accident and you have to get in touch with certain people and let them know we’re alive right now. But we’re going to hospital and this is where we’re going to be.” It would have to do. He had hardly ended the call when a paramedic ushered him onto a stretcher and shoved it into a second ambulance, just as the helicopter took off with Paul. Slowly the adrenaline started to wear off and Frank really felt the extend of his injuries. Ow. His foot throbbed, there as something wrong with his neck and his shoulder hurt with every little bump in the road. He got an IV in the back of his hand and a neck brace. Not funny if you are a claustrophobic person! Luckily the ride to the next hospital took only about ten minutes.

 

Frank sat through all the prodding, the exams and the questions, all the while praying for it to come to an end and his friends to be okay. Both Evan and Paul needed surgery, he knew that much, but nobody could give him any details. This seriously sucked balls. He even suffered through a CT, which was even less fun than the fucking neck brace. In the end a doctor told him that he had some pulled and torn ligaments in his right foot, slipped discs, a bulged disc in his neck and tendinitis in his right shoulder. Just great. On the other hand, the others were that much worse and he was actually damn relieved, that he probably would be fine with pain killers, physical therapy and steroid injections into his shoulder if needed. Damn, he really had had a guardian angel today, that could have gone wrong so easily! It was nearly seven in the evening when he finally ended up in a bed and had room to breathe. He had been given pain killers, his arm was strapped to his torso and his foot was in some kind of suspensory bandage, both cooled by an ice pack. Soon after Matt and Alex joined him in his wait for word from his friends, who were apparently still in the OR. Damn, how had everything gone to hell so quickly? They had been supposed to warm up for their show by now, but instead he was lying here like some kind of semi-invalid. Okay, so he actually _was_ a fucking semi-invalid. And he tried his best to ignore the awful little voice in his head, that whispered that he might never walk out onto a stage with his brother-in-law again. They just _had_ to make it!

 

Several hours later a doctor entered his room to fill them in. Paul and Evan would both require further surgery after today, but for now they were in stable condition. Their legs had extensive lacerations. Paul’s were down to the bone. Evan had severe nerve damage and they were hoping that they could rectify that, but there was no guarantee. For now all they could do was wait. Damn it. Frank felt like he had been crushed by a bus all over again. Why had it had to be them? Why had that bus even been there, for fuck’s sake? He asked the doctor whether the driver had been checked for any kind of drugs or something, but he didn’t know. You had to be fucking blind to miss their van, he refused to believe that the fucking asshole, that had fucked them up, had been sober. After that Matt and Alex promised to come back the next day, left for their hotel and Frank listlessly picked at the dinner a nurse had brought him. He already hated the food here. Frank considered watching TV, since he had no phone service, but they didn’t show anything he liked, so he decided on an early night.

 

However, that was easier said than done. He was tossing and turning, cursing his shoulder whenever he put weight on it and trying in vain to fall asleep. Even bunks, which were uncomfortable per definition, were still better than this damn hospital bed. To make matters worse, he relived the accident in vivid colors whenever he closed his eyes. And every time he woke up in terror with a racing heartbeat and could barely breathe. Maybe the sleeping pills the doctors had offered him would help, but he was kinda scared that he wouldn’t be able to wake up from his nightmares if he took them. After two or three hours of the same routine (doze off – nightmare – wake up in cold sweat – everything fucking hurts – _goddamn bed_ ), Frank got up and reached for the crutch a nurse had given him after dinner. He stuck the end underneath his left arm and managed to hobble to the little bathroom. Usually he wasn’t so whiny, but at the moment he just hated feeling so helpless and became more and more frustrated.

 

Frank splashed cold water onto his face and glanced into the mirror. _You look like shit_ , he told himself. His dark brown hair hung limply into his dull hazel eyes, framed by dark circles. He had little scratches and abrasions all over his face and his pale, grayish skin completed the overall miserable picture. His clothes had been torn and stained with dirt and his friend’s blood, therefore he had been given a hospital gown. And since there had been absolutely nothing clean left in his bag (it was the end of their tour, after all), he hadn’t seen the point in changing out of it. At least using the toilet was way easier without having to deal with trousers one-handedly. He was barely back in his bed when he was blinded by a bright light. It seemed to originate from his bedside and he involuntarily turned his head away and raised his hands before his eyes. Within like ten seconds it was gone just as suddenly as it had started. Frank blinked a few times as his sight adjusted back to the dim glow of his night light. What the hell had that been? He was scared shitless when he looked up and met the eyes of the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

 

She was tall, at least 5ft 9, if he were to guess, and her entire body was kinda _shiny_ , for lack of a better word. She wore some kind of gown, that hung loosely around her figure and was the purest white, it was nearly painful to look at it. Long, golden curls fell down to her hips and her hands were folded in front of her belly. Frank’s gaze finally rested upon her face. Kind, wise eyes took him in and he had a feeling those deep blue orbs could see right through him, to the bottom of his soul. A soft, loving smile graced her lips as she stepped closer and sat down on the edge of the mattress. Her delicate hand brushed a strand of hair off his forehead and the tender touch sent a shiver down Frank’s spine. “Don’t worry, Frank, everything will be fine. _You_ will be fine”, she said softly. Her voice was strangely calming, warm and assuring. Frank felt his tense muscles relax and suddenly found himself in her arms. She hugged him to her chest and gently stroked his back, while he let out a content sigh and closed his eyes. He had no fucking clue what was happening (or how the hell she knew his name, for that matter), but somehow he felt _safe_. He had never even seen that woman before, but something told him that she would not let anybody or anything harm him. It was like an instant connection, as if he had known her all his life, as if she was a part of him. Frank couldn’t remember the last time he had experienced such peace. His sorrows faded away and all at once even the memories of the accident and the worry for his friends, that had hung around his neck like a millstone, became bearable.

 

He had no idea how long they stayed like that, but eventually his back started to act up against being bent too long at a weird angle. As if she had sensed his discomfort, she gently lowered him onto his pillow and grabbed one of his hands instead. “Who are you?”, Frank whispered. He didn’t even know why, it wasn’t as if anybody could overhear them. She smiled at him as she answered: “I’m Florence, your guardian angel. If I hadn’t interfered, all three of you would have died today. In fact, your time actually _had_ come, but I just couldn’t let you go so soon.” _What the fuck?!_ Of everything Frank had expected her to say, _that_ was pretty damn low on the list. Guardian angel. Yeah, for sure. Apparently he had hit his head pretty hard after all. Still… she _had_ kinda appeared out of nowhere, right? “You saved us?”, he heard himself ask doubtfully. Florence gave him another smile and nodded. “I did. The driver had fallen asleep, so I woke him up and tried my best to slow the bus down. Oh, and I managed to snag some straps of your rucksack on the bumper, so that you were not overrun. I even held open the trunk lid, because otherwise neither Evan nor Paul would have survived the crash.”

 

Frank could only stare at her. How the hell could she know? He hadn’t told anybody but the police about the rucksack! “All your life I’ve been watching over you, Frank Iero. Some people might disagree, but you haven’t gotten to the end of your way, yet. After everything you’ve been through during the last years, you deserve a bit of luck. And even though I might be banned for saving you – it was worth it”, she explained calmly. Hang on… she was in trouble, because she had intervened? Wasn’t that kinda her job? It was all Greek to Frank, he really didn’t get it. But before he could ask her about it, she said: “You see, I’m the voice of reason in your head. I can give your mind a little push in the right direction, draw your attention to important things, bring up memories or send you inspiration… stuff like that. But we are not allowed to actively intervene as in change what happens around you. Others could get hurt or even killed, angels could end up fighting each other, because everyone of us would try to get their ward onto the last lifeboat escaping from a sinking ship. Especially when it’s time for our protégés to die, standing back is the golden rule. Well, actually we’re not allowed to show ourselves to humans, either, but since I messed up really badly anyway by braking the bus, I figured it couldn’t get much worse and I might as well visit you.”

 

Mhm. Right. So she was only allowed to fuck with his thoughts and save him from his own stupidity, but couldn’t actually do anything? He kinda understood that someone else could have been hurt if the bus had hit a different car, but why did it have to crash into anything in the first place? Florence smiled sadly and answered his unspoken question: “Why do people get sick? Why is there still hunger in the world? Why are there natural disasters? Stuff like that just happens and I won’t claim that I understand why. All I know is that we have to accept it and deal with it. Which is why I’m definitely in deep trouble. But you are my very first ward and I can’t lose you, yet.” That was when Frank finally noticed a minor detail he had missed so far. The _wings_! They were folded behind her back, that was why he hadn’t spotted them earlier, but they were _huge_! She had to have a wingspan of about 12ft! Wow. He was so overwhelmed, that he entirely lost track of their conversation and only continued to stare at the miracle in front of him. “Can I…?”, he asked her hesitantly as he reached out for the wing closest to him. She chuckled slightly, but then she swung it around, so that it rested between them.

 

Layer upon layer of blindingly white feathers were assembled in line. There were smaller ones at the top, around the joint, but the biggest ones right down at the bottom were definitely 4ft and longer. “They won’t bite, you know?”, Florence snickered and startled him out of his awestruck staring. Ever so carefully Frank stroked her plumage. It was softer than anything he had ever touched before. The warm, silky feathers glided through his fingers and tickled his skin. “So beautiful”, he whispered reverently. He could even feel the bones at the top and the strong muscles where they met Florence’s back. Alright, even though it was crazy, the wings actually felt _real_. There was no way those could be a fake or an elaborate costume. Frank’s brain was still struggling to accept the possibility that he wasn’t dreaming or hallucinating, but he was getting there.

 

Suddenly she reached for his cellphone on the nightstand and said: “You should probably tell the world you’re alive, I bet quite a lot of people are worried about you.” Well, yeah, good idea, but he had already tried that. “I can’t, there’s no service. You’d think that there was at least WLAN around a modern hospital in Australia’s biggest city. And it’s probably dead by now, anyway”, he explained defeatedly. “Try again”, she said without missing a beat. Fine, whatever. Frank decided to indulge her. Strangely enough his phone was fully charged and had full reception. Okay, that was weird. Then why hadn’t it worked earlier? “The perks of being an angel”, Florence stated smugly as she sleeked the plumes of her wing and folded it back behind her. No shit. Somehow the priest and the teachers of his catholic school had forgotten to tell them that angels were quite decent mobile transmission towers. Rad. Apparently it was already four in the morning, no wonder Frank was fucking pooped. At least he could call Jamia without having to worry about waking her up in the middle of the night since it was noon back home in Jersey. After giving his wife a much needed update, he realized he had about a hundred missed calls and thousands of notifications from all kinds of social networks. Just great. In the end he checked twitter and scrolled through a ton of messages. Ray, Mikey, James and an incredible number of other people were sending them their love and well-wishes. He couldn’t help but smile at that. However, one name was notably absent. Frank knew that Gerard had gone off twitter, therefore he turned to Facebook. There it was.

 

“ _I awoke to some very upsetting, sad, and serious news. Heartbroken. I know just as much as all of you but I hope the continued outpouring of love, well wishes, and support help. Make sure to hug the ones you care about. Sending all of my love and thoughts to Frank and the boys. - G”_

 

Yeah. Thank you very much… Heartbroken, as if. All of his love to Frank. Hug the ones you care about… He couldn’t even remember the last time he had received a hug from him, that had not been tense and awkward. Gerard could take his fake concern and shove it up his ass for all he cared, Frank knew only too well where he ranked on his list of priorities. It had not been him, who had dumped 12 years of friendship and 9 years of so much more in a three-minute-conversation over the phone. He was _this_ close to tossing his cell back onto the nightstand, but ended up typing out a short tweet to pour oil on troubled water.

 

“ _Hi friends thanks all for the well wishes. we're pretty banged up but miraculously alive & in stable condition. I'm still in a state of shock”_

 

There. That would have to do. A huge yawn made him realize how fucking tired he was, once again. “You should sleep. At least for another two hours or so”, Florence proposed. Frank had nearly forgotten that she was still there, could you believe it? Well, in his defense, he wasn’t exactly used to having supernatural creatures with massive wings around. “Can’t sleep. This bed is fucking uncomfortable and I keep having nightmares”, he explained wearily and rubbed his good hand over his face. “Well, I can help you with that”, she stated and pointed at the mattress. All of a sudden Frank felt as if he was floating on clouds. Even the pillow became a whole lot softer and the blanket was thicker. It was fucking perfect. “Thank you. For everything, not just the bed”, he murmured sleepily. That earned him a beaming smile. “Always”, she whispered back and kissed his forehead. A tingling warmth spread throughout his body and his limbs felt wonderfully heavy.

 

“Will you stay with me? Please?”, he begged in a small voice. Her presence really was soothing and exactly what he needed right now, even though he couldn’t explain it. “Of course. Come on, scoot over”, Florence replied and before he knew it, he was lying safely in her arms. She wrapped her beautiful wings around him and pulled the comforter over both of them. Frank sighed contently and snuggled up into her warmth. His head rested upon her chest and it took him a moment to realize what was missing. “Why don’t you have a heartbeat?”, he wondered out loud. “Because I’m an angel, I’m already dead”, she answered readily. Huh. That even made sense in a weird way. “Sleep, Frank, you need the rest”, she whispered and he felt her warm lips in his hair, closed his eyes and sighed again. “Can you sing?”, he asked wearily. “Sure, what do you want to hear?”, she replied, but Frank was far too tired to think of anything particular. “Your favorite song”, he mumbled, already half asleep. Suddenly the soft sound of a piano sounded through the room.

 

_Now the night is coming to an end  
The sun will rise and we will try again_

 

 _Stay alive, stay alive for me_  
_You will die, but now your life is free_  
_Take pride in what is sure to die_

_I will fear the night again  
I hope I'm not my only friend_

 

 _Stay alive, stay alive for me_  
_You will die, but now your life is free_  
_Take pride in what is sure to die_

 

 

He recognized it immediately and after everything that had happened today, it was strangely fitting. It was a shame he couldn’t ever tell Josh and Tyler that an angel had sung their song to him, they’d think he had gone nuts. Damn, he never would have expected her to come up with something like that, but he loved it. Before the song ended, Frank was passed out cold. He slept better than he had in years. Not once was he troubled by his nightmares, instead he relived a moment he hadn’t thought of in a very long time.

 

_It was yet another party at the Eyeball House and Frank was standing in a corner, sipping a can of beer. They had just finished another day of songwriting for their first album and his friend and band mate Shaun still wouldn’t stop whining about the last track they’d been working on. Key changes or whatever. All around them people were talking and laughing and someone was blasting something, that sounded like Black Flag. That was when he saw him. He was standing at the other end of the room, talking to that Mikey kid, who was some kind of internee, but basically lived here. Alex Saavedra, who was running Eyeball Records and had signed Frank’s band, Pencey Prep, for their first album a few days ago, was just joining in on the conversation. The guy had slightly shaggy black hair, sparkling hazel eyes and judging by the tone of his skin, he didn’t go out very much. He was wearing a black hoodie over a Misfits shirt and baggy jeans, nothing out of the ordinary. Still, Frank found himself unable to look away. There was just something about him, that stood out, even though he couldn’t put a finger on it._

 

_And then he smiled. His entire face lit up and his slightly chapped lips revealed weird, tiny teeth. Frank was lost. He had crushed on guys before and he was okay with that, but whoever he was… he was special, Frank felt it in his bones. “Who is that over there with Alex and Mikey?”, he asked Shaun, who was still bitching about their song.”Huh?”, was the very eloquent response. “Oh, that? That’s Mikey’s brother, as far as I know. Met him a few times, he did the Thursday design, have you seen that? It’s fucking great! He’s an artist or something, comics and stuff. Dunno what’s his name… maybe Garry or Gerald… oh, Gerard! That’s it, Gerard Way.” Frank bit his lip ring and took another swig of his beer. He kinda liked his name and now that he knew it, he could definitely see the similarities between the Way brothers. Something told him, that this Gerard Way was someone he should keep in mind. Just a feeling. And that fucking weird 90s-romantic-comedy magic moment he had just had, had absolutely nothing to do with it._

 

When he woke up the next morning, Frank felt surprisingly well, considering he had been hit by a bus yesterday. He was warm, comfortable and someone was stroking his back and caressing his hair. But at the moment he’d die for a cup of coffee, so he sat up and blinked a few times to get used to the bright sunlight. “Good morning”, Florence greeted him with a smile. Out of nowhere a steaming mug of his life elixir was held underneath his nose and Frank immediately made grabby hands at it. Mmmmh, oh god, it was perfect. “Hang on, how did you do that?”, he asked her as soon as his brain had gotten into gear. “I’m an angel, I’ve got quite a few tricks up my sleeve”, she responded with a giggle. Hm. Not only mobile transmission towers, but feather beds and baristas, as well. Got it. Frank downed the last of his coffee and watched the cup dissolve into nothingness right in his hands. “That’s so fucking cool”, he murmured in awe.

 

Just then there was a knock on the door and a sturdy little nurse with Grey curls and a radiant smile entered the room. “Good morning, Mr. Iero, how are you feeling today?”, she asked him cheerfully. Frank glanced over at the spot, where Florence hat sat only a second ago, but there was absolutely nothing to see. “Uhmm… morning, I’m fine, just a little tired, didn’t sleep too well”, he replied automatically. “Well, just tell us if you change your mind about the sleeping pills. I’d like to take another blood sample from you before breakfast and then you can eat”, she explained matter-of-factually and promptly got to work. Luckily Frank didn’t have a problem with needles, unlike… other people. Damn, WHY?! Why could he never get Gerard out of his mind? Even after more than three years, goddammit! Yes, his dream tonight had been kinda nice, but he really didn’t want to think of him every five minutes while he was awake and it just _hurt_. He should have gotten over him a long time ago. But by now he doubted he ever would. All he could do was carry on. Ungh, flashback to black uniforms and short white hair.

 

The nurse, whose name badge said “Agnes”, finished her task and then carried a tray to the small table by the wall. “Can you get over here on your own or do you want me to help?”, she offered kindly. “Thanks, I’ll manage”, Frank mumbled as he reached for his crutch. “Alright then. Just call if you need anything”, she said and placed a plastic shot glass next to his breakfast. As soon as the door fell closed behind her, Florence reappeared next to him. “So you can, you know, make yourself invisible, as well? Is there anything you can’t do?”, he asked her. He really was curious and didn’t even know where to begin pestering her with questions. “Well, I can do small things like transform your bed or produce food, but anything major like bringing people back to life or parting the sea… that’s way out of my league. And the invisibility thing is really hard, I can’t keep it up too long”, she replied with a shrug. Huh. Good to know.

 

Getting out of bed and over to the table already went a little better than last night, he had kinda gotten the hang of it. His breakfast turned out to be a few slices of buttered toast with some kind of jam. Yay. Frank was starving, since dinner had been hardly better, but still… “Damn, I would kill or pancakes or an omelet”, he muttered under his breath. In the blink of an eye he had exactly what he had wanted. A huge vegetable omelet (without mushrooms, because _gross_ ) took up nearly the entire plate and there was a bowl of fresh strawberries, too. It was even already cut into small pieces, so that he could eat it with one hand. Oh, and the brown liquid in his cup suddenly took a much deeper color and smelled a whole lot better. Rad. He’d have to add cooking to the ever growing list of angel’s side jobs. “Thank you. Seriously, this is the coolest thing ever! But, you know, what about you?”, he asked a little confused. Why hadn’t she made something for herself, as well? “Oh, I don’t eat, don’t worry about me”, she stated as she sat down next to him and arranged her wings around the backrest. Frank scooped up some of the omelet with his fork and let out a deep moan when he tasted it. What was she, a fucking gourmet!? This was too good to be true! He didn’t even feel the constant nausea, that usually plagued him, as he dug in and only stopped when even the last crumbs were gone and he thanked her again.

 

“Don’t you miss it?”, Frank asked after he had taken his meds from the shot glass. “Well, usually not, there is no hunger and thirst up in heaven, so we don’t eat or drink. But now that it was right in front of me, I kinda do miss it. However, a friend of mine was once sent down to earth and couldn’t resist eating half a chocolate cake. Our bodies aren’t made for digesting. It wasn’t pretty, he vomited all over the place. The best part is – his name’s Chuck”, she told him with a shit-eating grin. Frank nearly choked on his coffee as he laughed out loud at the mental picture of a puking angel. Jesus, his life had gone completely crazy! And just as he was pondering a trip to the tiny bathroom and trying to shower, a warm breeze rushed over his body and he suddenly felt freshly washed. Even his teeth were spotlessly clean, although he had just finished his breakfast. Oh, and he wore clean clothes from his bag while his gown lay on the bed. The thing was, that there was no such thing as clean clothes at the end of a tour and he knew for sure, that the t shirt, the long-sleeve and the hoodie she had put on him (multiple layers, just the way he liked it) had already been worn. Alright, so washerwoman went on the list, as well. “Don’t get used to it”, she deadpanned just as he opened his mouth to tell her again how fucking rad her magic tricks were.

 

It was then that another bright light erupted in the middle of his room. Oh god, Frank really wasn’t sure how much more crazy supernatural stuff he could take. As soon as he could open his eyes again, he spotted another angel, who carried a small black traveling bag. He was pretty small, probably not much taller than he himself, if at all. Laugh lines framed his tired brown eyes and an impressive black beard rested on his potbelly. There were dark circles around his eyes, his black hair was ruffled and massive white wings hung limply down his back. All in all he looked like death warmed over. “Oh good Lord, Zach, what are you doing down here?”, Florence cried as she jumped up from her chair, knocked it over with her wings and gave him a hug. Zach smiled wearily and set down the bag, before he collapsed onto the edge of Frank’s bed. “Ungh, I’m getting too old for this...”, he murmured and massaged his temples with his fingertips.

 

“Listen, Flo, you are in trouble. And by that I mean _deep_ trouble. Uriel is on the warpath, I haven’t seen him that furious in like 400 years”, he explained. Frank had no fucking idea what was going on. Who the hell was Uriel? An who was that guy, while he was at it? Florence hung her head and sighed softly. “Frank, this is Zacchaeus, he’s my best friend. He even was my guardian angel, but now he’s the guardian of… never mind. Zach, you know who he is”, she quietly saw to the introductions. Frank managed a polite nod while the guy murmured something into his beard, that sounded strangely like: “Only too well.” Whatever. “Ezekiel and Hannah told me to say hello and to relay to you that they owe you”, Zach added after a while. Florence let out a mirthless chuckle. “That and a dollar will get me a cup of coffee… which I can’t drink anyway”, she growled wearily. That earned her a bitter laugh from Zach and a “That’s what I said.” Frank really wished he knew what they were talking about. “Well… I’m sorry, but you were banned, honey. I don’t know when Uriel will allow you to return, so for the time being you’re stranded down here”, Zach explained apologetically.

 

Florence nodded, but Frank could see that she was scared. “Thought so. M’ gonna miss you”, she ground out as her eyes glazed over. “Oh Flo, I’m so sorry. Look, I got you some things, like a passport and some clothes… it’s all in this bag. Let’s just hope that you won’t need it all that long, but I don’t know when I can come down here and visit you again. You’ll be fine. I promise, I’ll do my best to watch over the two of you”, he offered and got up to hug her. “Thank you”, she whispered barely audible, but Zach shrugged it off. “Nah, it’s alright. And if I’m honest – I’m really proud of you. Hardly any one of us would have dared to do what you… oh God, please, _no!_ ”, he cried out and interrupted himself. He steadied himself on Florence’s shoulder as his knees nearly gave out under him and he clutched one hand to his chest. Then he sat back down on the bed and buried his face in his hands. He didn’t move an inch. This entire situation really started to freak Frank the fuck out. What the hell would affect an angel so much? Trouble in paradise? Damn, that wasn’t even funny when he saw Zach like that.

 

Florence kneeled down in front of her friend and whispered: “Please tell me it isn’t what I think it is.” The short angel only groaned in discomfort and said: “Of course it is. He relapsed. Hard. It’s been going on for hours now. I swear, after him I’m gonna need at least a century to recover.” Frank quietly watched their exchange and tried to make sense of it, but he didn’t stand a chance. Florence gave Zach one last hug, thanked him again and told him to go home, because he were so miserable down here and would only incur Uriel’s wrath if he stayed much longer. In another flash of light he was gone. Florence sunk down onto the bed and Frank still didn’t have a single clue who that Uriel guy was. “Well… that escalated quickly”, she deadpanned after a few moments of silence. In Frank’s opinion that was a fucking understatement, it probably didn’t happen every day that an angel was thrown out of heaven, did it?

 

“What do we do now? I mean, you said you can’t stay invisible that long, you know, how the hell are we gonna explain the wings?”, he asked in an attempt to tackle things logically. “You’ve got a point there, usually I can do it for a little while, but I’m still drained from yesterday, because I kept it up for nearly twelve hours. I’m afraid I wouldn’t even last 30 minutes if I tried it now”, she admitted sheepishly. Alright, that was a problem. Frank was wracking his brains to find a solution, but he had no fucking idea other than shoving her into the closet whenever someone came in. _Way to go, Iero._ But just as he was ready to admit defeat, her wings shone even brighter than usual and slowly but surely withdrew into her back. It was kinda creepy, but he simply couldn’t look away. Next the soft glow around her entire body dimmed until it disappeared completely and her pure white gown took a more natural color. In the end, Florence sat on the bed with wide eyes and breathing heavily, but she looked as human as she was probably going to get. Wow. “How did you do _that?_ ”, Frank asked deeply impressed. “That wasn’t me”, she whispered barely audible. Only then did he realize that she was shaking and that her blue eyes were filled with terror. Maybe there were even a few beads of sweat on her forehead, but that could very well be his imagination. Fuck! Was that part of her punishment? And if it hadn’t been her – then _who_ had taken away her wings!?

 

She tried to stand, swayed and fell back onto the bed. _Oh shit!_ Frank got up and wrapped his good arm around her. His body protested as he pulled her to her feet, but he didn’t listen, she was more important than him. This time she managed to keep her balance, but she was still shaking a little. “Are you okay?”, Frank asked carefully. He was really afraid to release her. “Not really. It’s just that gravity didn’t mean too much to me until now, but I feel so differ- … owww”, she groaned just as a sharp pain ripped through Frank’s chest. Ungh, really? Not _that_ song, please! Gerard had written it for him, asking him whether there could be another chance for them… and he had been stupid enough to give in. “Arrgh, up close it’s even worse”, Florence hissed and tried to take a few steps away from him. Frank reluctantly let her go, but she immediately grabbed the foot of the bed and held on for dear life. Memories of bright red hair, big pleading eyes and kisses full of meaning flashed before his eyes, but he pulled himself together and didn’t let on how much they tortured him. He’d gotten good at that. “What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”, he managed to ask after a while. All he got in response was a deep sigh as Florence hoisted herself up onto the bed again. She gave him a look full of agony, understanding and empathy. As if she somehow… knew.

 

“You know, Frank, the connection between a guardian angel and their ward is something not even we ourselves fully understand. It is incredibly strong, it binds our very souls together. I am you, in a way, I’ve lived your entire life with you. The thing is, that I feel what you feel. It’s kinda separate from my own emotions, but it’s definitely there, you know? And it’s not just emotions, I can also tell when you’re in pain or when your stomach acts up. I even know what you think, but it’s not like mind-reading as in hearing words, but more like… I just know. Sorry, I can’t explain it any better, but I probably know you better than you do yourself. Anyway, that’s why I was in just as much agony as you when I was stupid enough to accidentally quote lyrics, that brought back bad memories. I’m so sorry, Frank, I shouldn’t have said it that way... Somehow it’s much worse up close. When I’m thousands of miles away from you, it’s more like… I can tell the pain is there and how you experience it, but it’s not that intense for me, you know? By far. It took me by surprise, that’s all”, she explained as best she could.

 

Alright, Frank needed a moment to process that. It was actually quite comforting to know, that no matter how bad things had gotten, he had never been alone. There was someone, who _understood_. Though he felt kinda bad, now that he knew that she had borne the results of his stupid jumping around on stage, he had long lost count how often he had injured himself that way. But the mind reading thing reeeeally crept him out. Was there no privacy at all for him? Did she know every single embarrassing thought he had ever had? Oh God, this was seriously fucked up. But maybe there was a way to find out. Frank deliberately concentrated on his memory of Mikey trying to eat that power pup stuff during their video shoot for ‘Na Na Na’, something that cracked him up every single time to this day. Sure enough Florence started giggling while she was rummaging through the bag this Zach guy had given her. Oh shit, that was so creepy! Only then did Frank really take a look at the bag and his eyes grew wide as saucers. There was no way all the stuff he could see would fit in there! Piles of clothes, some folders that probably contained all kinds of legal documents, a sleeping bag, something that looked like a tent and several pairs of shoes. What was this thing, Hermione Granger’s handbag from Harry fucking Potter?!

 

“Could you turn around for a moment, please? I’m not sure I’d make it to the bathroom and I should probably change into something more casual”, she begged him as she produced a shirt and a pair of trousers. “This will take some getting used to. Man, I’ve never worn jeans before…”, she scowled as she finally sat down on the edge of the bed, again. The silver top and the blue jeans she had chosen really complimented her eyes and her long golden locks were plaited into a thick braid. She kept rolling her shoulders and glancing behind her, it was obvious that she felt more than uncomfortable without her wings. The good news were, that like this she would definitely pass for a human. Thank fuck for that.

 

Frank swallowed hard when he noticed the tears forming in her eyes. He felt horrible, the guilt ate him alive. Why had he stopped right behind the van? Just because he had been too lazy to carry the entire fucking pedal board! If he had just gotten on with it, he would have stood on the pavement when the bus hit their van, and she wouldn’t have been kicked out of heaven because of him! “It’s not your fault, Frank. Really. It would have been your destiny to die yesterday, all this is entirely on me. _I_ decided to interfere and there’s nothing you could have done to change what would have happened anyway. I’ve made my bed and now I must lay in it. It’s just that I feel kinda… _naked_ without my wings!”, Florence said and a quiet sob escaped her throat. Following a sudden flash of thought, Frank asked: “Uhmm… so are you now, you know, _human_? Can you die? Do you get sick or…?” “I don’t know!”, she interrupted him fiercely. “I haven’t had to sleep, eat or drink for a century! But now… I’m scared, Frank! I can’t even walk, since the moment my wings… _disappeared_ my head has been spinning, it’s as if you were really drunk”, she explained. Oh fuck! Only then did he realize, that she had been with him through all his excesses, as well! All the booze, the drugs… and probably she had felt it every single time he had jerked off or slept with someone. Fucking hell, that was embarrassing, he wanted the floor to open up and swallow him. Frank buried his face in his hands. This was the fucking overkill.

 

Her delicate touch on his back brought him back to himself. “It’s alright, I don’t mind any of that, you know? Everybody makes such experiences. I can deal with it and if it makes you feel any better – I always try to look away and distance myself from you as much as I can whenever you… get it on. I’m just glad you’re not a porn star”, she stated dryly. Frank couldn’t help but laugh at that. “You really are okay with everything I… did?”, he asked once more as he thought of all the things, that had happened between him and Gerard. The walls of Paramour Mansion were very thick, they had had adjoining rooms and taken full advantage of that. Until shit had hit the fan and everything had gone to hell… yeah. Change of topic, please. “Oh come on, I’m not a prude! I already told you it’s alright and I’m an angel, I can’t lie, I couldn’t get out a single word if I tried. It’s fine. Really. And by the way, you learn to count your blessings when you hear some of the other angels talk about their wards. I can tell you, whatever you imagine, you will find it somewhere. Humans are weird”, she exclaimed shuddering. Well, no argument there. At least his sexual escapades had distracted her from her drastic change of appearance.

 

“I never would have thought that guardian angels actually exist”, he stated more to himself than anything else. “Oh, you’d be surprised! We are always watching over our wards, I’ve known you all your life, ever since Linda got pregnant”, she said offhandedly. Frank had no fucking clue what to say to that (and he really didn’t want to think about how he had been conceived in the first place, either, because fucking _gross,_ he didn’t need that mental image of his parents). “You still don’t 100% believe me, do you? Well, I’m not surprised, but you’d think that you had seen enough to be convinced”, she mused with a weary smile. Well, yeah, Frank didn’t _not_ believe her, he just couldn’t wrap his head around everything that had happened during the last few hours.

 

“Well… maybe it would help if I told you a few things only I can know? Let me see… your first crush was Maddie Johnson in kindergarten. You were five years old and she had those raven pigtails, that fascinated you to no end. She even agreed to be your girlfriend, but then she dumped you three days later because that Maddox Brown guy had cooler stuff in his breadbox and because you were shorter than her. You were thirteen years old when you first watched a horror movie at your dad’s house. He was out playing a gig, but he couldn’t bring you along and afterwards you had a nightmare of a mummy, that wrapped you in its bloody bandages and stuffed you into its sarcophagus. At fifteen you kissed a boy for the first time, behind the gym. His name was Bradley White and you ran all the way home after that, because you were shocked by your own courage. Oh, and you were sick for a week, because you came down with some bug from him. You claim you didn’t have any musical guilty pleasures and you’re very open about your preferences, but there is some k-pop on your iPod, that nobody knows about. And… and you would divorce your wife in a heartbeat if only a certain someone would get his priorities straight and finally give the two of you the chance you deserve.”

 

Frank literally felt his jaw drop and all blood drain from his face. There was simply no way in hell she could… _how_? How could she know?! “As I said, I’ve always been there and I’ve seen everything. I feel what you feel, and I know what keeps you awake at night. Right now your neck it quite sore, you have bruises all over your body, but the biggest one on your right hip. You can already tell that your stomach is gonna act up again, no surprise there, you’re taking quite a lot of painkillers. Oh, and your shoulder hurts like a bastard, as you would put it, but you should be getting another ice pack to help with that quite soon”, she added. Holy fucking shit… Frank couldn’t resist pinching himself in the arm and he swallowed heavily when she involuntarily touched the exact same spot on her own. Damn, this was crazy! She gave him time to process everything she had told him and he tried his best to clear his mind. In the end he realized that this entire thing was too detailed to be a dream or a hallucination. Frank never could have made up something like that. Just as he finally accepted that he was indeed awake and relatively sane, there was another knock at the door. And in the blink of an eye… Florence was gone, just like her bag.

 

That same nurse, Agnes, was back and she had brought a colleague. “Mr. Iero, we would like to transfer you, if that’s alright with you. Already several reporters and paparazzi have tried to get to you, we think it might be better if you shared a room with Mr. Nestor at the neurosurgical ward. It’s much smaller than this one and nobody will look for you there”, she proposed. Frank was still a little stunned because Florence had disappeared, therefore all he managed to say was: “That’s fine.” _Very eloquent Iero._ But, even though he couldn’t see his guardian angel anymore, he still felt her presence. Had she made herself invisible again? Hopefully she wouldn’t just leave him here like that! He was very quiet while the two nurses drove his bed through a few corridors and up two elevators. He hid beneath the hood of his hoodie and didn’t even pay attention where they were going. Only when his bed was wheeled into a room at the very end of another corridor did he look up and meet the tired gaze of his brother-in-law.

 

“Man, how are you?”, they asked simultaneously and shared a weary smile. One of the nurses put Frank’s toiletries into the bathroom and his bag into the closet while a guy in a nurse uniform, who apparently worked on this ward, gave him an ice pack and asked whether he needed anything else. Only five minutes later they were left alone again and Frank breathed a sigh of relief. “You alright over there?”, he asked Evan, who shrugged his shoulders and murmured. “Could be worse. I still can’t feel my left leg, but they said they could probably fix it. Nerve damage, they want to transplant one from my other leg, I think Dr. Steele called it a nerve graft. Dunno how that shit works, though, I’m still kinda messed up and I have to wait for the rest to heal, anyway”, his friend explained. Frank nodded in understanding. Damn, he really hoped the doctors would be able to patch him up again! “What about you?”, Evan inquired with a quizzical look at the straps, that fixed Frank’s Arm to his body. “Don’t worry ‘bout me, man, I’m gonna be fine. Just need some physical therapy and maybe steroid treatment in my shoulder and I’ll be as good as new. Bad weeds grow tall… yeah, okay, not so tall in my case”, he replied offhandedly. So what? People were making fun of his height like all the time, he could damn well do so, too! And 5ft 6 wasn’t _that_ tiny, okay? Those, who teased him the most, weren’t even that much taller, Gerard had only 3 inches on him… _Here we go again_ , Frank thought bitterly while Evan quietly chuckled to himself.

 

That was the moment Florence reappeared. She sat on the foot of his bed and gave him a shaky smile. “Looks like I still have my powers. They only took the wings”, she stated in a hushed voice. Frank breathed a huge sigh of relief as she scooted towards him and took his hand. He was so fucking glad she was still here! Her presence was immensely soothing, he really didn’t want to have to do without that. “Woooow, what the heck, where did she come from?!”, Evan cried and his glasses nearly slipped off his nose, because he had jumped so violently. Shit, what the hell should they tell him?! “Oh… she’s… uhmm…, Frank stammered nervously, but Florence released him from his struggle. “I’m Frank’s guardian angel. I’m sorry, you were not supposed to see me and I apologize if I scared you, but it’s really exhausting to remain invisible for more than a few minutes. And I’m still drained because of the accident and… My name is Florence. Please don’t tell anybody what I am, both of you. And I _mean_ anybody, including Jamia. If even more people knew that angels truly do exist, all hell would break loose. I visited Frank, because he is my ward and I had nowhere else to go and you only know because I couldn’t help it”, she explained to Evan with pleading eyes. Frank tried to calm her down by placing his good hand on her back and it even seemed to work.

 

“I could be abandoned for good and turned into a human again, if things got even worse because of me. Without any knowledge of the last 100 years of my existence. And I don’t want to stay here for good, this world scares me. It’s so different from what I once knew, you know?”, she whispered barely audible. Oh for fuck’s sake, every time Frank thought this entire thing couldn’t get any weirder, she dropped another bomb. “What are you talking about?”, he asked incredulously. He was gradually feeling like there wasn’t all that much, that could still surprise him. “Oh, I lived a human life before I went to heaven. I’m from Belleville, New Jersey. One of the reasons why I asked for you to be my first ward. I don’t remember much of my mortal life, it’s all kinda blurry, but I died of the Spanish Flu when I was 19 years old. That was in 1918”, she explained readily. Holy shit! Was there no end to this madness?! “Hang on, you _asked_ for me?”, Frank blurted out. Why would she do that? Not that he knew how the assignment of guardian angels worked… “Well, usually guardians and wards are matched by Uriel, he’s an archangel and responsible for us, but somehow he granted my wish and gave me you. I just knew that you were going to be special. And I was right”, she stated as if it was obvious. Yeah… sure. Frank had no fucking idea what to say to that, therefore he silently watched her slide off the bed and take a few shaky steps.

 

It seemed to go a little better than before, but only barely. She didn’t have any kind of coordination and kept tripping over her own feet. “Good Lord, I miss my wings! My entire balance is off and gravity doesn’t help at all!”, she ground out. When she turned around the foot of his bed, Frank suggested: “You have to lean back a little, your center is tilted too far ahead. Probably because the weight of your wings is missing.” She gave him a questioning look as she heeded his advice and straightened up a bit. “A little more, pull back your shoulders and lift your chin”, Frank instructed her. “That’s it. Now try again” This time she did a lot better, she even managed to cross the entire room without falling down. In the end she sat next to him again and gave him a hug. “Thank you, Frank. I really don’t know what I’d do down here without you”, she whispered quietly and kissed his cheek. “Oh come on, that’s the very least I can do, after all we owe you our lives!”, he brushed off her words.

 

 

And _that_ was the moment Evan regained his voice. “ _What the actual fuck is going on?!_ ”, he yelled at the top of his lungs. “Calm down, man, it’s okay. She just… kinda turned up out of the blue tonight and told me that all three of us would have died if she hadn’t stepped in and slowed that fucking bus down. The driver had fallen asleep, by the way, in case you wondered. Then there was this Zacchaeus guy this morning, he’s another angel, and he told her that she had been banned from heaven, because she intervened. As far as I’ve understood it, guardian angels are only allowed to influence our minds, not actually _do_ something, which is why she’s in trouble now. Next her wings just disappeared, that’s why her balance is off and then they brought us here. End of story”, Frank gave his brother-in-law the ultra condensed version. Just as he had finished, Florence got up from his bed and turned around, so that they were facing her back. Gradually the back of her blouse became transparent and they could see her flawless skin underneath. It took Frank a moment to realize what she wanted to show them, but finally he spotted two gleaming white wing tattoos, that spanned her entire back. He had never seen ink like that, it was just as bright as her feathers had been. Judging by the look on Evan’s face he had come to the same conclusion.

 

“Please, Evan”, Florence murmured. “Please, you have to keep this a secret, even from your sister. You don’t realize how important this is. I wouldn’t have sprung this on you if I could have helped it, you never should have known what I really am”, she tried to convince him. Then she stumbled over to his friend’s bed and gently cupped both his cheeks. Evan’s eyes grew wide as their gazes locked. Frank didn’t dare move a single muscle, he simply observed the silent exchange. Florence’s lips moved as she whispered something, so quietly that only his friend could hear it. His curiosity nearly killed him, but Frank didn’t pry, he wouldn’t want her to tell Evan any of his deepest secrets, either. Especially not that huge one named Gerard. Not quite five minutes later his brother-in-law swallowed hard and whispered: “Alright, I won’t tell anyone.” Florence and Frank breathed a sigh of relief. She already was in deep shit because of them, even though she claimed that it wasn’t Frank’s fault, she didn’t need any more.

 

Just then that male nurse, who had given him the ice pack earlier, brought in their lunch. He even helped Evan out of bed and sat him into a wheelchair, so that they could eat together. As soon as the door had closed behind him, Florence reappeared and took the third chair while Evan stared at her as if she were a ghost. Slowly but surely her walking looked better, Frank noted with a smile. Lunch turned out to be some kind of meat balls for Evan and pasta with tomato sauce for himself. Yeah. Frank couldn’t help it, he was Italian (well, Jersey Italian, but still…) and he _hated_ canteen pasta. After a pleading look in Florence’s direction (in other words – his very best puppy-dog eyes) it was replaced with a huge slice of steaming hot lasagna. God, he fucking _loved_ angel’s magic! “Hey, how’d you do that?”, Evan asked in a totally incredulous, high-pitched voice. Florence gave him a wink and asked him: “What would you like?” His friend eyed her skeptically and finally answered: “Rippers and disco fries?” Frank laughed out loud at that, it was just so fucking _J_ _ersey_! In the blink of an eye Evan’s plate was filled with two deep fried hot dogs and french fries, that were covered in melted cheese and gravy. The rich scent wafted over to Frank and he smiled to himself. It smelled like home.

 

“Thank you so much, Florence. You might have heard it before, but you’re an angel, literally”, me managed to say around a mouthful of the best lasagna he had ever had. It was even better than his mom’s and that said a fucking lot. After they had wolfed down their food, there was chocolate cake. One of those with the molten core. Needless to say they were both more than stuffed when they were done. Florence ended their great meal with two cups of perfect espresso, at this point at the latest she had Evan wrapped around her little finger. “Oh man, I wish I had such a guardian angel, as well”, he sighed contentedly as he rubbed his belly. “Oh, you do, his name is Ezekiel. He’s like 1500 years old, but he’s a great guy, you’d like him”, Florence chimed in as if she were talking about some friend from work. Well, actually… she was. Damn, what a fucking mindfuck! After that they spent some time making up an excuse for her presence in their room. After all Matt and Alex had already told him yesterday that they would come for a visit this afternoon, which was probably too long for Florence to stay invisible. In the end they decided that she was a mutual friend of theirs, who was on vacation in Sydney and had planned to see their show here. After the accident she had come for a visit. That would have to do and Frank offered to do the talking and improvise a bit if needed, since Florence couldn’t do it herself. It really kinda sucked that angels couldn’t lie.

 

When their trays were collected about ten minutes later, a young nurse with a brown braid brought in a wheelchair and told Frank that he was due for a MRT. Just great, another fucking tube. Claustrophobia seriously sucked balls. “I’ll wait here, can’t walk that far”, a bodiless voice whispered into his ear just before he was wheeled away. All in all it took nearly an hour, because the tranquilizer they had given him had needed some time to do its job. He still didn’t like it. Frank could already feel himself getting restless again. It wasn’t in his nature to sit around and wait patiently for anything without having something to do. In the end a doctor told him that everything was fine and physical therapy could start in a few days when his shoulder had had some time to heal. At least that would keep him busy. He was back in his room just in time, because Matt and Alex arrived pretty much simultaneously. He had a feeling that something had changed between Florence and Evan, but he couldn’t quite put a finger on it. He was dying to know what they had been talking about in his absence, but he couldn’t ask while their friends were there. It became a fucking endless afternoon.

 

~ Florence’s POV ~

 

Florence felt her connection to Frank’s mind fade with every step between them. It was quite disturbing, being so close to him during the last hours had been incredible and she didn’t want to miss that now that she knew how it felt. She was pacing around the room, becoming steadier and steadier the longer she went. Walking really wasn’t as easy as one would think and she didn’t even want to try on some of the high heeled shoes Zach had packed her, that would definitely end badly. Meanwhile Evan tried to get comfortable in his bed again. She could feel that he was suffering. It wasn’t as precise as the signals she still received from Frank, but it was clear enough. Florence carefully placed a hand on his leg and eased his pain. He moaned with relief as she worked her magic. “You’re gonna be okay, they’ll be able to fix this. I would do it myself, but that would be pretty hard to explain”, she assured him with a soft smile. “Thank god for that, I was really worried, you know? And thanks for your help, I really appreciate it”, he replied and gave her a strange look, that was kinda… assessing.

 

“Florence, I totally understand if you don’t answer, but there’s something I’d like to ask you… if that’s alright?”, Evan said deliberately. She bit her lip and nodded. Florence had a gut feeling that she was moving on very thin ice, but her curiosity was undeniably piqued. “Okay… I don’t really know how to say it, uhm… you’ve known Frank all his life, right? And you know what he feels? Well then… does my sister have to fear for her marriage? I don’t want her to get hurt”, he finally asked while his eyes searched her face for an answer. Oh sh-… _She was an angel, she didn’t curse!_ Not even in her thoughts, dam-…. Alright. She swallowed hard and answered: “Nobody but God knows what is going to happen. I can’t see the future.” There. Nice and vague. That, right now, was the first time since she had become an angel, that she wished she could lie. But she wouldn’t be able to utter a single word if she tried.

 

Evan clenched his jaw for a moment before he let out a deep, weary sigh. “So I was right, then. Damn it!”, he voiced under his breath. “Right about what?”, Florence asked carefully, but deep down she already knew what was about to come. Evan smiled sadly as he said: “Oh come on, I’ve known him nearly all my life. Frank and Jamia already were a couple when he met Gerard. He’s never been the same after that. Of course she noticed, but it took her quite a long time to realize what was really going on and even longer to accept it. She has always loved him more than is good for her, but she knows what’s up.” Ooooh… f-word. Florence really couldn’t think of a way to deny the painfully obvious truth. In the end she hung her head and murmured: “We don’t choose who we love. I should know, I fell in love with a black man. His name was Louis, he was a pianist, we met at a dance in Newark. Back then mixed couples were unheard of. My dad threatened to kill him if he ever came near me again.” “What happened?”, Evan asked carefully after a moment of silence. “The flu is what happened. He was one of the first to die. I sneaked into the hospital to visit him. That’s probably how I got infected. I didn’t even last a week, at least that’s what Zach told me when I went to heaven. He was my guardian angel, you know?”, she told him reluctantly. It still hurt, even after all those years. “I’m so sorry about that”, Evan whispered obviously a little shocked. Florence managed a sad smile.

 

“So am I. But Frank is so much worse off than me. Loving someone you can’t have is a horrible feeling, but his love for Gerard… compared to that my feelings for Louis were nothing but a teenage crush. And it’s been _years_!”, she exclaimed. _Fifteen_ years, even a little more. Evan listened with an absolute poker face, but after a while he gave a curt nod. She didn’t really know what to make of that, but Florence had a feeling, that if Frank opened up to anybody about his relationship with Gerard – it should either be to Evan or to Ray Toro. But since Ray was at the other end of the world… anyway, her instinct told her that Frank wouldn’t be able to bottle it all up for much longer. The accident had shaken him to the core and maybe it was time to come clear. Just then she felt their connection intensify again. “He’s coming back”, she said in Evan’s direction. He nodded again and took a deep breath before the door opened and revealed not only Frank, but also his band mates Matt and Alex. Alright then. Time to act human and hope for the best.

 

~ Frank’s POV ~

 

Frank pleasurably exhaled a lungful of smoke into the evening air outside his window. Those actually didn’t open, but apparently he could add hacker of safety systems and air freshener to the pretty impressive list of Florence’s talents. He hadn’t had a good smoke in over a day and reveled in it. She had actually offered him to cure him from his addiction, but Frank had turned down the offer. He just needed it to calm down every now and then and would start again anyway the next time he would see Gerard smoke. There he was again. Never far from Frank’s thoughts and he hated it. _Think of something else_ , he fiercely told himself and ended up recapping the afternoon. Alex and Matt had actually swallowed their story quite well and never really questioned Florence’s presence. For the sake of credibility they had even started calling her ‘Flo’, just as that Zach guy had done. Anyway, after their friends had left, she had pimped their dinner, again. Evan had had a huge steak with a baked potato and he himself had gone for a winter squash stuffed with mashed potatoes and peas. After all Halloween wasn’t that far away and he was a sucker for mushed potatoes. Frank finished his after-dinner-cig and hobbled back to his bed. Florence was sat at the foot of it with her legs crossed and a knowing smile on her face. “Come on, just ask. I can literally feel you bursting with curiosity”, she prompted him and Frank replied with a Cheshire grin. Well, she only had herself to blame.

 

“Since you’re an angel, can you talk to god?”, he started right way. “Everybody can! But the way you mean it – yes. I only stood before her twice, so far, when I became an angel and when I was appointed as your guardian. It was… incredible, I can hardly describe it. There is no pain in the presence of God, one feels so very small, it is as if time would stand still. There is this all-encompassing inner peace and the certain knowledge that one is loved”, she explained with a dreamy expression and a soft smile upon her face. “What the fuck, _god is a woman_?”, Evan blurted out incredulously, just as Frank asked: “What does God look like?” Florence giggled slightly, but then she answered: “God is different for everybody, it’s impossible to press her into a single form. For me she was an old woman with white hair and wrinkles, just like my granny used to be. And I know that Zach, my best friend, saw a man in his forties whenever he met God. Anyway, usually I stick to my fellow guardian angels. Uriel is my chief, as I said this morning. He’s responsible for us and he banned me for helping you. There are the Saints, as well, but we don’t deal with them all that much. We stick together, even though there are far too many of us to know everybody. But, you know, there’s always a little more contact with the people, who protect one’s ward’s loved ones. As I said, Evan’s guardian is Ezekiel. Paul’s is Hannah”, she told them eagerly.

 

Huh. There were like 7 billion people… “Does _everyone_ have a guardian angel?”, Evan wanted to know. “Yup. As I said – far too many to know them all”, she said with a shrug. “So this Zach guy...”, Frank murmured to himself. “Well, make an educated guess”, Florence whispered. Oh. Frank’s body was even faster than his brain, because out of nowhere another sharp pain ripped through his chest. “Exactly”, Florence whispered for his ears only. And that was when Frank actually remembered the conversation she had had with her best friend the day before. Something about relapsing… No. Please, no. _Please tell me Gee didn’t_ _drink again_ , he thought in despair. Her sad smile was all the confirmation he needed. Frank wanted to curl up and cry. Gerard had fought so very hard to leave that behind! Suddenly there was a soft whisper in his head, it kinda sounded like Florence through a tin can telephone. ‘It was only a matter of time.’ Shit! Fuck! Frank’s first reflex was to pick up his phone and call him. But just as his thumb hovered over his name, he hesitated. And he remembered. How Lindsey had been more important to him than Frank himself. How he had made his decision, chosen her over him and turned Frank down for the hundredth time. This wasn’t his job anymore. Lindsey was there to take care of Gerard. Either she or Mikey would help him. What could he even do from here, anyway? Frank had a fucking horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, but he ignored it and shoved his shrilling alarm bells aside. He had to get the fuck over his unhealthy obsession with a guy, who had never truly wanted him.

 

‘As far as I know, he isn’t doing too well, Frank. He didn’t cope with the break up, none of you really did. Mikey and you took it the hardest, Margery had her hands quite full with him for a while’, stated the creepy voice in his head. Frank could only shake his head. _You know, it’s fucking_ weird _how you keep spitting out names for every single one of my friends! Just like that! That’s the ultimate mindfuck, really… so, Zacchaeus for Gerard, Margery for Mikey… what about Ray and James?_ , he thought deliberately and just hoped that she would hear it. ‘Frída and Isaac.’ Of course. Fuck, that was just too much, Frank was rapidly developing a headache. ‘I know.’ _Not helping!_ When he looked her in the eyes, her lips formed ‘Sorry’. Thank you very much. Mind reading was still creepy, even though it helped with keeping certain juicy details from Evan.

 

“So, do you actually sit in the clouds and play harp all day?”, his brother-in-law wanted to know just as his silent conversation with Florence ended. She laughed at that and rolled her eyes. “Nope. Playing harp isn’t part of the standard package. Besides, time passes faster up there. It definitely doesn’t feel as if I had died 100 years ago. Looking back it seems like weeks before I was appointed as Frank’s guardian. Then it slowed down considerably, but it still doesn’t feel like 35 years, I can’t even describe it properly. Oh, and we

don’t sit in the clouds. Everybody has their own imagination of what heaven looks like. For me it’s a forest. There are small clearings all around, cool springs and soft moss. Birds sing everywhere and bright sunlight filters through the leaves. I live in a small hut beneath an old oak tree and there is a rabbit den nearby, I love watching their little ones play”, she explained patiently. Oh, man. “I wish I could see it on day, but I’ve fucked up my life way too much for that”, Frank whispered quietly. _It probably doesn’t get much worse than cheating on your wife with your equally married, male best friend, does it?_ , he mused bitterly.

 

Florence gingerly took his hand and said: “You know, it’s not about adhering to the Bible as rigidly as possible, it’s about how you live your life and what kind of person you are. You’re a good man, Frank. Really. I’m pretty sure we’ll meet again up there some day. If they don’t sack me for good, that is.” Frank could only shake his head. _I’ve stolen, I’ve commuted adultery, hell, I’m cursing all the time! I’ve done drugs, c_ _o_ _me to blows… the list is endless_ , Frank thought to himself. ‘Yes, you have. But you have a heart of gold’, the small voice in his head whispered. As if. Luckily he was saved by Evan before he had to think of an answer to that. “How did you even get here? I mean – can you just pop in and out of heaven whenever you feel like it?”, his brother-in-law asked Florence and Frank actually found that a damn good question. “Well… actually not. Usually we only leave heaven if we have work to do down here. I only got out, because I begged Pete. Okay, maybe talking his ear off is more like it. Anyway, he let me out in the end, so it was worth it. I wanted to see you up close, once at least”, she explained sheepishly. God, another fucking name! There were by far too many people up there! “Who the hell is Pete?”, Frank inquired.

 

“Well, Saint Peter, of course, who else? He guards the Pearly Gates, he’s a really cool guy and I feel really bad for him, hopefully he didn’t get into trouble because I messed up”, Florence said casually. Of course. Saint Peter. Why the hell not? “And you just stayed down here after the crash?”, Evan chimed in. “Well, yeah, I really wanted to see Frank and make sure he really was okay since I don’t have angelic sight down here. And I’ll admit that I was really scared of what might have happened to me if I had gone to face Uriel right away”, she admitted and bit her lip. That Uriel guy really seemed to have slight anger issues. “But how did you even know that we would have died? I mean – is it predestined? And do you know how long we have left now? Can it be over any day and Death will come after us? Like in Final Destination?”, Frank wanted to know. That thought was actually creepy as shit. The movie had been completely fictional, right? Someone had made that up… _right_? After yesterday and today he was about ready to believe anything. “Oh good Lord, calm down, Frank! No, there aren’t any huge pin boards up in heaven where everybody’s hour of death is listed. It just happens. I felt it somehow, I just knew. I guess that’s why Pete let me out, he sensed it, too. I didn’t even want to interfere, I really thought that I would take a good look at you and leave. But then it happened right in front of me and I just… couldn’t. I could not watch it, I just had to do it”, tried to calm him. Frank let out a huge sigh of relief (and he definitely heard something similar come from Evan’s bed).

 

Silence. Frank tried to decide what to ask her next, there was just so much he wanted to know! But his brother-in-law beat him to it and Frank’s clenched his jaw uneasily when he asked: “So… you really saw all of his life? I mean – _everything_?” That question was dangerous on so many levels, Frank could literally feel himself starting to sweat. And Florence’s answer very nearly gave him a heart attack: “Yes. Everything. I’m guessing what you’re aiming at, Evan. All I’m gonna say on the matter is, that I might be an angel, but you should never leave me alone with one Gerard Way, because I won’t be responsible for my actions. Nobody should have to go through what he did to Frank. Zach keeps telling me that he’s struggling, too, but I don’t care, he brought it all upon himself. And that tweet, to top it all off! ‘Heartbroken?’ Of course! He doesn’t have the right to say that, _he_ broke _Frank’s_ heart, not the other way around and if he wasn’t such an egocentric, coward, spineless _bastard_ , none of you would have gotten injured, because you never even would have been in this country!” Her voice grew louder and louder while Frank felt like drowning. He literally couldn’t breathe. How could she just rub it in Evan’s face like that? After he had spent _years_ trying to keep his secret?

 

He turned his head to face his friend, but to his hyper-aware senses it felt like slow-motion. When he finally mustered up the courage to meet his brother-in-law’s eyes, Evan stared back seriously. “What? I knew right from the start that there was some kind of special spark between the two of you. I don’t know any details, but I’m neither blind nor dumb. All I ask of you now are honest answers to two questions: You and Gerard – have you ever been like… a real couple? And if you have – why did you still marry my sister?”, he asked in a very tight voice, that grew really loud and pissed off towards the end. Oh, fucking shit... Frank buried his face in his hands and groaned in despair. This just couldn’t be happening. But he instantly felt that there was no more running from the truth and that Evan would never let this go before he gave him the answers he had demanded. And he did have a fucking right to know.

 

“We _were_ a couple. I never wanted to cheat on Jamia, it just… happened”, Frank told his palms. “Since when?”, Evan asked kinda businesslike. “2004. After he got clean and sober”, Frank admitted and glanced up just in time to see his friend nod with a perfect poker face. “Why didn’t you break up with Jamia?” Fuck, that was a really uncomfortable question. “Uhmm.. Gerard, he… he wanted to keep our relationship a secret, so he begged me to stay with her… as a cover. He had his girlfriends, too, and I hated it. I was so fucking jealous that I kept things up with her, because I wanted him to know how I felt about sharing him with someone else”, he murmured and hung his head in shame. “Okay. And then? Why did you marry her?” Slowly but surely Evan seemed to get really fucking mad. Just great. Frank swallowed hard before he told him: “We had a huge fight at Paramour Mansion. I really wanted to tell the world how much I l-… I would have left her for him and ma-… uhmm… yeah. Turned out we weren’t on the same page. I feel like shit because of that, okay? She didn’t deserve any of that, I should have told her the truth right from the start. But back then I was so fucking hurt… it destroyed me. So I proposed to her the very next day, just to have even the slightest bit of happiness again. We got married and he didn’t ever mention it ever again.” Frank remembered that moment only too well. Especially that nauseating feeling in the pit of his stomach when Jamia had nearly strangled him with her hug and he had realized what he had done. How he had waited and prayed for Gerard to change his mind before his wedding. But he never had.

 

“What happened after that?”, Evan inquired impatiently. “Well, he married Lindsey completely out of the blue, I heard it from Ray an hour before it happened. I was so fucking mad at him, you’d think that he would have told me himself, right? We weren’t talking at all for a year or so after that. But then he suddenly decided that he couldn’t live without our friendship and he tried very hard to win it back”, Frank stated carefully. It _was_ true, definitely. Just not very precise. “But you were _only_ friends from then on, right?”, Evan practically growled. Damn. Frank looked up at him and took in his murderous expression. Fuck it, he doubted that he could piss him off much more, might as well come completely clean. He squeezed his eyes shut and shook his head. “It was the exact same thing again. We got back together when we started working on Conventional Weapons. And the next time we fought over coming out and divorcing our wives he called me up completely out of the blue and told me it was over. We ignored each other for a few years after that. I think a year ago or so Ray started a group chat and it was really awkward for a while, but we’re getting there”, Frank explained and hardly got out that last sentence before his voice cracked and a tear rolled down his cheek. Evan just sat in his bed and stared at the wall, apparently thinking over what he had just heard, but Florence wrapped her arms around Frank and held him. He silently cried into her shoulder and waited for hell to break loose. God knew he deserved it.

 

Evan took his time mulling it all over, but in the end he said: “Listen, as your brother-in-law I’m fucking disappointed in you, Frank. I could fucking kill you. But as your friend I could kick him in the balls! Fuck, I’m so fucking confused! This is really fucked up, man…” Damn, that had been a hell of a lot f-words in only a few sentences, but Frank couldn’t help but breathe a sigh of relief. “I thought you’d beat the shit outta me if you knew”, he murmured sheepishly. “No shit, Sherlock, that’s kinda inconvenient, ‘cause I can’t fucking move! I’ve known for years that there was something between the two of you and I’d love nothing more than to punch you in the face right now, but I think you feel bad enough already”, Evan deadpanned with a tired grin, that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Hm. Frank didn’t really know what to make of that. “One last honest answer. If Gerard begged you for another chance… would you give it to him?” Shit. Frank really wanted the ground to open up and swallow him. Telling the truth had never been so fucking hard before and he couldn’t even bring himself to actually say it. He only gave a tiny nod, but it was enough. Evan had obviously seen it. “Even though you have kids?!”, he hissed in disbelief. Frank couldn’t help the sob, that escaped his throat, but he nodded again, hating himself for it. Gerard really was the bane of his existence, but he never would be able to deny him anything. He would always be waiting for him, probably until one of them died of old age or he became demented and forgot his one true love.

 

“Oh god, Fuck! Please don’t tell Jamia! Evan, I love her, she’s the mother of my children and I can’t loose her, too. It’s just that… I love Gerard more”, he sobbed as tears ran down his face and dripped off his chin. She and the kids were literally all he had left. There had been a time when he had had the three things he loved most – his children, his band and the man of his dreams. Two of those were long gone now and he really didn’t want to know what would happen if he lost his last link to sanity, as well. “Are you seriously asking me to stand by and watch her be merely a convenient replacement for something you can never have? But just until Gerard pulls his head out of his ass and then you’re gone for good and bail on her and your three little children? That’s the single most fucking egoistic thing I’ve ever heard!”, Evan yelled at him, his fists balled and his face red with fury. Frank flinched violently and lowered his head in shame. He deserved no less. Still, it fucking _hurt_ , he felt as if his entire world was falling apart. _Again_. Florence next to him whimpered quietly and pressed both hands to her chest. Of course, Frank never seemed to remember that she was in it with him and knew exactly how he felt right now.

 

Evan's furious gaze softened a little when he looked at her and he swallowed hard before looking down onto his hands. A few minutes passed in tense silence, only interrupted by an occasional sniffle from Frank. “Alright, under one condition”, his brother-in-law finally stated in a no-nonsense kind of tone. Frank looked up hopefully, those few words were like a fucking safety buoy in the middle of an ocean. “If you ever get back together… I want you to promise me that you will tell her the truth if you go back to him. Promise that you won’t cheat on her and that you’ll come clear to her _before_ you do anything with him. You owe her that much. And in case that doesn’t happen: You will read every wish from her eyes and spend every fucking day making up to her what you did, got it? Swear it on whatever is still holy to you and I’ll keep my mouth shut”, Evan demanded gravely serious. Frank immediately nodded his consent. “I swear it. On my life and that of my children. Thank you, Evan. That’s a lot more than I deserve and I know it”, Frank responded without missing a beat.

 

“Good Lord, how do you bear this all the time”, Florence groaned next to him. She was hunched over, pressing both her palms to her heart and breathing heavily. “Not at all. But eventually you learn to block it out”, Frank replied wearily. “Just great”, she mumbled to no one in particular. He remembered her statement from a few minutes ago. “Never would have thought I’d ever hear an angel say ‘egocentric, coward, spineless bastard’”, he chuckled and smiled when she rolled her eyes and huffed in mock offense. “I’m not immune to frustration!”, she exclaimed as she playfully hit him in his good arm. That was the moment Frank’s phone rang and he swallowed hard before talking to his wife and assuring her that everything was well. Alright, as well as it could be. He actually couldn’t even remember the last time he had been truly fine. Probably right after Gerard had sobered up, when they had gotten together and he had worn the world’s biggest rose-colored glasses.

 

All the excitement of the day had taken its toll, on all of them. Frank hobbled into the bathroom after a nurse had helped Evan get ready for bed. Luckily Florence had already cleaned him up (he could definitely get used to that), therefore he was done in no time. She was already waiting for him when he returned and he gratefully fell into her arms and snuggled up to her warm body. Mmmh, even without her wings around him, sleeping in an angel’s embrace was fucking great. Alright, Gerard would feel even better, absolutely perfect, but since he was never going to fall asleep in his arms again… Frank could practically feel Evan raising his eyebrows and giving him a look. “What? She’s only holding me. I feel so safe with her, it’s like being a child again and having no worries whatsoever”, Frank tried to explain. Evan sighed heavily. “Man, I’m really fucking jealous of you right now. I swear, I can still feel that fucking bus behind me and every time I try to sleep it happens all over again”, he murmured with a violent shudder. Suddenly something took shape above them. “Would that help?”, Florence asked Evan and tossed his friend a huge teddy bear. Evan’s ears turned a slight pink, but he smiled and pulled the stuffed animal into his arms. “Thank you so much! It even smells like home, it’s just like the one I had when I was a child”, his friend whispered as he cuddled the teddy and breathed in its scent. Actually Frank had wanted to beg Florence for another song, but he fell asleep before he got to ask her.

 

_A cramped tour bus somewhere in Japan, right after the worst show they have ever played._

 

_The stench of booze, unwashed people, cigarettes and weed._

 

_Clumsy steps by the door._

 

_Gerard’s swaying figure stumbling towards the bunks._

 

_Stains of vomit all over his clothes, even some in his hair._

 

_Some kind of “ohf”-sound as he reaches his destination._

 

_This time he even collapsed into the right bunk._

 

_A deep sigh. It’s fucking torture to watch the man you love fall apart right in front of your eyes._

 

_A crappy curtain, that caught ever three inches._

 

_Greasy black hair, plastered to a sweaty forehead._

 

_A soft whisper: “Why do you keep doing this to yourself, Gee?”_

 

_A pained whimper and a fist clenching dirty sheets._

 

“ _Cuz I l-luv u… F-Fwankie.”_

 

_Fucking hell! That’s unexpected… Never in his wildest dreams would he have thought, that maybe…_

 

_A sharp pain in his chest. If only he knew… If only… fuck._

 

_Jamia. The biggest of many reasons why it’s wrong._

 

_But still not nearly enough to quench the yearning, that burns in his heart._

 

“ _I love you, too, Gee.” Because he can’t deny it any longer._

 

“ _R-Reawy?” Fuck, Gerard’s_ pissed!

 

“ _Yeah. But we can’t Gee. You know we can’t. And you’re drunk.”_

 

“ _B-But… Fwankie! Wanna… with u… if I stop?”_

 

_After years of fighting the inevitable, he finally gives up._

 

“ _Yeah. If you get sober, I’ll give… us… a chance. No more booze. No more pills and no more of the stuff you take on top of it all.”_

 

_Maybe this is the very last chance to stop the downward spiral._

 

“’ _M gonna. You’ll s-see.”_

 

_Let’s hope so, by goodness!_

 

“ _Fwankie? …k-kiss me?”_

 

_Fuck, he’s wanted to for years. And it’s not like Gee will remember in the morning. Probably he won’t even know what he just agreed to._

 

_Leaning in carefully, fingertips brushing high cheekbones._

 

_Chapped lips, the taste of shitty vodka, cigs and a trace of vomit. Wet, soft heat, a sloppy tongue and breathless moans._

 

_It’s disgusting, in a way, but perfect. It’s everything Frank has ever wanted._

 

~~~

 

_Suddenly everything around him starts to blur and he finds himself standing behind a black van, carrying a pedal board. He sets it down, turns around, catches a glimpse of Evan and Paul…_

 

 _And just then there’s a sharp tug behind his navel as he’s tackled from behind. But instead of falling to the ground, he’s rushing through a haze of colors and sounds until his feet hit concrete. He stumbles backwards and lands on his ass just as Evan collides with the floor next to him. That’s when he realizes they are surrounded by thousands of people and it’s_ loud! “ _What the hell did just happen?”, his brother-in-law asks as they pick themselves up. Frank looks around and furrows his brow. There’s a stage in a huge stadium, that seems to be packed. “No fucking idea”, he mumbles back while he tries to understand how he got here and why Ev_ _a_ _n is with him. Somehow_ _Frank_ _knows_ _that_ _he’s dreaming, but it doesn’t feel like it, it’s more… real. The smells, the sounds, even the summer heat. “Do you have any idea where we are?”, his friend states as if he doesn’t even expect an answer. That’s when it hits him. “Kinda looks like Wembley, but somehow… older, you know?”, Frank muses. And yes, there_ _was_ _a time when_ _My Chem_ _sold it out, as well. It feels like a lifetime ago. All of a sudden there’s a man, who comes at him. Frank tries to sidestep, but the guy walks right through him. Literally. As if he wasn’t even there. That’s fucking weird. Frank tries to tap a woman’s shoulder, who’s sitting in front of him, but he can’t. Is he, like, a ghost? Is she? But they both look pretty normal, no floating, no transparency… “This is fucking weird, man”, Evan states the obvious._ No shit, Sherlock.

 

 _And that’s when the roar of the crowd goes up, a keyboard starts playing and the lights come to life. People scream and clap and Frank_ knows _this song. A yellow jacket on the huge screen above the stage. A guitar. He stares at the stage and his jaw drops to the floor._ Oh my fucking god. _He’s only ever seen the DVD, but this is Queen live at Wembley. Playing ‘One Vision.’ Frank grabs Evans hand and drags him down the stairs. They climb over the barrier and run through thousands of people as if they were crossing an empty field. He can’t even wonder why his ankle and Evan’s legs are fixed, he just wants to_ get to that stage. _They end up in the front row, staring up at Brian May shredding his Old Lady like the true master he is. “This is the fucking coolest thing ever!”, Evan shouts into Frank’s ear and he can’t help but agree. Fuck, he never would have thought he’d ever see Freddie Mercury up close! ‘Tie Your Mother Down’ is next and they sing along, just like everybody around them._

 

Frank jolted awake and sat up in bed. Only a moment ago he had sung ‘God Save The Queen’ while Freddie Mercury had put his crown on Roger Taylor’s head. But now he was back in his hospital bed in Sydney and his shoulder hurt like a bitch. A muffled groan from Evan’s bed probably meant that his brother-in-law was awake, as well. “Man, I had the best dream ever”, his friend exclaimed with a huge yawn. “What the fuck, you were _really_ there with me?”, Frank blurted out incredulously and gave Florence a questioning look. She sat up next to him and shrugged. “What? You were having a nightmare, so I sent you a better dream. And since I thought that Evan would like to see it too, I threw him in there with you”, she answered his unspoken question. “Thank you so much, that was fucking rad!”, his brother-in-law stated with a Cheshire grin. “You’re welcome. I won’t be able to keep your nightmares at bay forever, only when I’m so close to you, but as long I’m here…” And by that she handed them two steaming hot mugs of perfect coffee. Frank decided that they might have been overrun by a bus, but the outcome could have been a fucking lot worse.

 

Just after breakfast his phone went again and Frank picked up without even looking at the caller’s ID. “Frankie?”, he was greeted by a panicked voice he hadn’t heard in quite a while. “Mikey, what happened?”, he replied instantly and gripped Florence’s shoulder for support. Oh fuck, whatever it was, it was bad, he could feel it. “It’s Gee, he…”, Mikey sobbed into the telephone. No. NO! That couldn‘t be happening! Oh god, Frank would never forgive himself if Gerard had killed himself, he should have _known_! He should have fucking called him yesterday! “…he relapsed! We wanted to go out for lunch, but he didn’t show up, so I came here and found him passed out in the bathroom.” Oh for fuck’s sake! Frank let out a deep sigh and fought down a bout of hysteric laughter. Fuck, he never would have thought that he’d ever be so fucking relived to hear such news! “Mikey! Fuck, you nearly gave me a heart attack! I thought he had done something even more stupid and… permanent”, he managed to say after a few seconds. “Fuck, I’m sorry Frankie! It’s just that – he told me that Lindsey broke up with him and that she took Bandit. I don’t know what happened, that’s about all I got out of him, he’s totally screwed. As in Japan-screwed, but I haven’t found anything but booze so far, let’s hope he didn’t take anything. He keeps saying your name, that’s why I called you. Did you talk to him recently?”, Mikey rambled on. “What? No, I didn’t and you know it! We haven’t talked in ages, there’s only the group chat!”, Frank exclaimed incredulously.

 

“I’m really sorry to ask you that, man, and I totally get it if you don’t, but are you okay? Are you well enough to come here? I have no fucking idea what to do with him, he won’t talk to me, all he says is your name and that he had fucked it all up! What’s going on with you guys!? I thought you weren’t talking!” Oh, shit! Frank groaned in despair and fell back into his pillow. “Okay. I swear, I don’t know what’s his problem and I can’t promise anything, but I’ll try to get there as soon as possible, okay? Gonna text you when I’ve booked my flight. Take care of him, okay?”, he finally admitted defeat. Frank knew very well that he wouldn’t have a second of peace if he didn’t find out what was going on. “Will do. Ray should be here in a minute, I’ll keep you up to date”, Mikey responded before he ended the call. Just great. Fuck! Frank buried his face in his hands. Whenever shit hit the fan, his life seemed to go to hell entirely, every single fucking aspect of it.

 

“What’s wrong?”, Evan asked in a concerned, but guarded voice, but Frank didn’t have it in him to explain. “Do you want to see him?”, Florence whispered softly. "Y-yeah. I'll have to talk to the doctors about checking out early and getting on a plane as soon as possible", Frank sniffled. He hadn't even realized that he had been crying, but now he wiped his cheeks and reached for the box of tissues on his nightstand. "That's not what I meant, silly. Do you want to see him _now_?", she clarified. Huh? Frank had no idea what she was talking about, but he had a feeling it had something to do with more crazy angel magic. As soon as he nodded, she raised her hand. An image started to form in her palm and grew until it was about as big as a regular TV. Frank eagerly leaned forward and took in the sight before him. Gerard was hunched over a toilet and threw up violently. Mikey stood behind him, holding back his hair with one hand while fumbling with his phone in the other. There even was sound, but Frank was quite grateful that he didn't have to smell Gerard right now. He looked horrible. His hair was a greasy mop, his clothes looked like he had slept in them for two nights at least and what little he could see of his face was deathly pale. Finally Mikey raised the phone to his ear and said: "Lyn-Z, what happened?" Her answer was loud enough for even them to hear: "Ask your fucking brother!" Then she hung up on Mikey and he cursed like a sailor. Frank closed his eyes and bit back a sob. He had really hoped he'd never ever have to see Gerard like this again, but here they were. The first time he had relapsed had not been pretty, either, but what they had just witnessed was way worse.

 

Frank had never really found any common ground with Lindsey (he hadn't even tried, after all she had taken the person he loved the most and he had nearly died of jealousy), but right now he could have ripped her apart with his bare hands. Even though he had secretly prayed for them to break up for years now, how dare she walk out on Gee in a way that made him fall back into old habits?! He had fought so hard to get away from it all! Eventually the sound of vomiting stopped and the image was gone the next time Frank looked up. By that point he silently cried into Florence’s shoulder. She wrapped her arms around him and whispered: “It’s gonna be okay, we’ll figure it out. Together. Okay?” Frank managed a nod, but he had no fucking clue how anything could ever be okay again. He had no strength left to make things right. Therefore he buried his face in the crook of her neck, just as she raised her face to the ceiling and cried: “Zacchaeus? Come on, we need your help! Let him out, Pete? Please?” Frank really tried not to get his hopes up, but only a few seconds later the familiar flash of light erupted by the foot of his bed.

 

The short angel stumbled against his bed. Fuck, he looked even worse than last time! That gave Frank an idea how Gerard had to feel at the moment and his chest tightened even more. “I’m never gonna take on a ward ever again! Gerard Way wears me down!”, Zach groaned breathlessly and sat down heavily on the edge of the mattress. Frank glanced at Evan, who was staring at Zach’s wings and seemed to be totally shocked by the last few minutes. “What happened?”, Florence asked her friend. Zach sighed heavily, but then he explained: “He just ran out of the house and bought a shit-ton of booze. Like, five bottles of vodka? And two packs of beer. He even tried to get some cocaine, but I managed to keep him away from the right people, thank the Lord for that. I couldn’t do anything against the drinking though, he was too far gone.” Just great. A part of Frank was fucking relieved that Gerard hadn’t taken any drugs, but the most important question was still unanswered. “But _why_?”, he interrupted the guardian angel, who gave him a tired smile.

 

“Because you very nearly would have died. You saw the first articles, no one knew how you were or whether you were even alive. He typed out that post and afterwards everything went to pot”, Zach told him quietly. Oh. Actually Frank had expected that the fight with Lindsey had triggered Gerard’s relapse, but this… He really tried not to get his hopes up. But… maybe… maybe Gee _did_ still have feelings for him? Fucking hell, Frank was never gonna learn. _Just let it go, for fuck’s sake! That train left years ago!_ , he admonished himself, even though he already knew that he was fighting a lost cause. “Will you help us? Frank needs to get over there, but I don’t dare try it alone, especially since I don’t have my wings and have no idea how that might influence my abilities”, Florence begged her friend with big, pleading eyes.

 

Zach sighed heavily, but he nodded. “I’m pretty sure it’s forbidden, but I can’t take any more, this has to stop right fu…freaking now. There you go”, he murmured and touched Florence’s forehead. Suddenly her entire back lit up and her beautiful wings grew back. Frank watched in awe as the pearly white feathers oozed out of her body until she looked just like he remembered her from their first encounter, even her white gown was back. “Oooooh, thank you so much, Zach! I can’t even tell you how much I’ve missed them!”, she cried as she spread her wings to her full wingspan (which was basically the entire length of their room). “Hoooooly shit, I really thought you were shitting me with this entire wing thing”, Evan whispered totally awestruck. Frank managed a weak chuckle as he climbed out of his bed and reached for his crutch. “So, how are we gonna, you know, get outta here? And what do we tell the doctors?”, he asked the two angels next to him. “Leave that to me”, Zacchaeus stated and closed his eyes in concentration. Only a few moments later a doctor and two nurses stepped inside their room and stood before them with a vacant expression. Zach touched each of their foreheads and produced a sheet of paper he handed them. Only a few seconds later they left again without having said a single word.

 

“What the hell was _that_?”, Evan blurted out just as Frank wanted to ask the same question. “I changed their memories. Frank checked out early and left for the airport in order to return home. They even gave him his release papers and he signed a form for discharging himself against medical advice”, Zacchaeus explained while Frank’s possessions flew into his bag, that Florence held open. Frank swallowed heavily and managed to thank the older angel before he turned to face his brother-in-law. Before he could even open his mouth, his friend said: “Just go. Be happy. I think that I get it after all. Jamia and you were never meant for each other, but please remember your promise.” Frank was torn. A part of him could have cried with happiness, but mostly the fact that he had cheated on his wife for so long was still gnawing at his conscience. “I’m so sorry”, he whispered softly and stared at his feet. “Me too”, Evan responded. “Now go and take care of him. You’re gonna work it out. And I want a fucking wedding invitation, do I make myself clear?”, his friend demanded. Frank smiled involuntarily. That was a fucking long shot. He carefully gave Evan a hug and joined Florence and Zach at the other side of the room. His guardian angel took hold of him and wrapped both her wings and her arms around him. Zach enveloped them in his and counted: “Three-Two-One-Go!”

 

All at once everything became a blur. Frank lost his footing and seemed to float, but simultaneously everything was vibrating. His head was spinning, streaks of colors whirled around them and his ears were buzzing. It seemed to go on forever, but finally they hit some kind of floor. Literally. He felt the impact in his bones and bit his tongue. Frank groaned in pain, his ankle was killing him and he latched onto his crutch for dear life. Florence hissed and reached for her foot as Zach murmured: “Sorry ‘bout that, I’m a little rusty. It’s been like 200 years since I had to do that for the last time.” There was a shrill yell and a bang. Frank turned around and spotted Ray and Mikey. They had landed in Gee’s dining area, between the teal dining table and the green couch in his living room. His two former band mates stood in the passage to the hallway, apparently Mikey had just let Ray into the house and then dropped his phone. That explained the bang. “Hey guys”, Frank said in a tight voice. They were looking at them as if they were a fucking mirage, but Frank couldn’t care less right now. He was too busy not throwing up. His stomach had been queasy for pretty much as long as he could remember, he always felt sick. The problem was, that that didn’t go well with being tossed halfway around the globe in a matter of seconds. Florence’s cool hand gingerly touched his belly and his nausea subsided. “Thank you”, Frank breathed and managed a shaky smile. His heart was in his mouth, he had no idea what expected him and the uncertainty was killing him.

 

Zach unceremoniously flopped down onto the couch, just as Mikey gasped: “What… the… _HELL!?_ ” He was staring at Florence’s wings and neither of his friends seemed to be able to shut their mouths. “Veeery long story. Where is he?”, Frank asked and started hobbling towards them. “Bathroom. He won’t stop vomiting. I think he’s got alcohol poisoning. If it doesn’t stop soon we’ll have to call an ambulance and then all hell will break loose. I only left to let Ray in, but… how the fuck did you-”, Mikey replied as soon as he had kinda gotten his shit together. Frank didn’t even wait for him to finish and headed to the master suite as quickly as he could. He had never been here before, but Florence led the way, apparently angels had some kind of built-in satnav, as well.

 

When he finally reached his destination, Gee was still throwing up. But Florence placed one of her hands on his belly and one on his forehead until it stopped. It hadn’t even taken her a minute. Frank discovered a stool in the corner and gratefully sat down to stretch his injured leg, just as Mikey and Ray appeared in the doorway. The smell was pretty bad and it wasn’t all vomit. Gee really needed a shower. Luckily Florence seemed to agree, because in a matter of seconds the stench had all but disappeared. She helped Gerard sit up against the wall and lowered herself to the floor, where she sat cross-legged in front of him. “The two of us have to talk, Gerard Way and I can only advise you to listen very well, because I won’t repeat myself”, she hissed in a tone Frank had never heard from her before. She was fucking _pissed_. Finally he got a good look at Gerard. His face was gaunt and pale, his eyes were glazed over and empty and his shoulders hunched in a way he hadn’t seen in a very, very long time. Frank wasn’t sure whether Gee could even take Florence’s wrath, but he sure as hell wouldn’t intervene, he wasn’t _that_ weary of life.

 

“What you did to Frank is beyond the pale. Very few people ever find true love, but you are dumb enough to throw it away! I’ve never seen someone love another person as much as Frank loves you, but you had nothing better to do than rip his heart out and smash it in front of his feet! Repeatedly! Just because you were too coward to stand by him! Even though he has always been there for you! He took care of you when you hit rock bottom, he never left your side. He even stuck by you when you were fucking McCracken and he dragged you down into drugs and whatnot. You don’t just toss someone like that aside as soon as things get uncomfortable! You told him that you loved him more than anything, but that was a lie. You never did. If he had truly meant the world to you, you wouldn’t have given a damn what people might have said about you. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, he would have given you everything, but no, you had to be worshipped by the many and couldn’t deal with a few haters. Do you remember that fight at Paramour Mansion? When he told you that he wanted to come out and show the world that you belonged together? That he wanted to marry you and adopt kids with you? All you said was that that wasn’t gonna happen and that you couldn’t do it. And you actually had the nerve to sulk when he proposed to Jamia the next day! By the way, did you know that all the time up to his wedding, he was hoping that you would get your shit together? He would have dumped her at the altar if only you had opened up your mouth. He very nearly would have run when the priest declared them husband and wife and you hadn’t said anything. Do you want to know how he felt in that moment? Here you go!”, she yelled at him and pressed her palm to his chest. Gerard’s eyes widened in shock and he really started sobbing. He had been crying for a while, but now his entire body shook with it. Frank nearly felt sorry for him, but he was too busy breathing through the excruciating pain in his own chest.

 

“Just in case you forgot – it wasn’t even a week after his wedding that you slept with him, again. You didn’t want him the way he deserved, but you couldn’t just grant him a healthy, normal marriage, either, could you? You continued as if nothing had happened, you even snogged him on stage! But when he really talked to you about coming out and divorce again, you decided that it was over. Just like that. You pushed him away in front of thousands of people and got married only a few days later, completely out of the blue. What the f… WHY!? He gave you nearly a year to come to terms with his wedding but he had to hear it from Ray an hour before it happened?! You weren’t even man enough to look him in the eye and tell him yourself. And yes, of course he was there, even though you didn’t see him. And yes, Ray _did_ find him crying afterwards. But what nobody ever knew is that he had to fight him for the bottle of sleeping pills in his hands! Congratulations, Frank would have killed himself that night if I hadn’t sent Ray after him! There! Take a good hard look at what you did to him!”, she screeched and produced a huge, life-sized image in the middle of the room. Frank reluctantly opened his eyes, that he had squeezed shut and glanced at his past self, that was lying in a heap on the floor, screaming in agony, punching the wall of their tour bus, scratching at his skin and writhing on the ground. Tears ran down his face and his eyes were dark pools of despair. It physically hurt to watch it, especially since he hadn’t even remembered it until now. He had drunk himself into a stupor that night and woken up to the worst hangover of his life and blurred memories. Gerard let out a tortured wail and hugged his knees to his chest in a desperate attempt to keep it together. Ray appeared next to past Frank and wrestled the brown bottle from his fingers before he pulled him to his chest and whispered again and again how sorry he was and that he would kill Gerard for what he had done.

 

“After that you ignored him, as if he wasn’t even there. You threw away six years of friendship. Of course he kept his distance after that! And a year later you suddenly decided that you wanted him back. He gave you another chance, even though you didn’t deserve it, but you pulled off the entire thing again, just like before! And he loved you too much to speak up and risk losing you again. Did you really think you could go on like that? Seriously? Has he ever been more than a fuck buddy to you? He deserves so much better than being your dirty little secret! You told him to jump, he asked you how high, whenever you felt like it. And when he finally couldn’t take it any more and told you that he wanted to break up with Jamia for you, you got cold feet again. You love him more than anything? Huh, not as much as your perfect reputation and your perfect plastic life! As if your fans hadn’t known! As if it had been such a shock! Everyone, who ever really listened to Frank’s solo albums, knows that they are about you. You used him however you wanted. Have you ever stopped and thought about what you were actually doing to him? How he felt about your relationship? And the way you ended it! You took away two of the three things he loves the most. Yourself and the band! If he hadn’t had his children, he would have killed himself! And over the phone! How low can you go? Eleven fucking years of friendship and you couldn’t look him in the eye and say it to his face, you fucking coward! He deserves better! He deserves being happy and cherished to death, but all you ever did is fuck him up even worse every time you touched him!

 

But the worst part is that he still loves you. Even after everything you’ve done, he’d take a bullet for you without even thinking about it. And he’d die smiling because you would live on. He’d do anything for you. What he feels for you is the kind of love, that moves mountains and lasts a lifetime. You could have been so happy with him, he would have given you anything. And even now he wouldn‘t even hesitate and sign his divorce papers if only you gave him what he has wanted for so long. That’s what you gave up. And for what? A few thousand homophobic, petty Babbits more bought your comics. Congratulations. Oh, and you managed to break the heart of the woman you married, as well. All because you were a fucking coward. What used to be your brilliant excuse? A real relationship with Frank could mess up the band? Ha, surprise, Sherlock! _Not_ being with him resulted in your band breaking up and your brother and the man you allegedly love being addicted to drugs and alcohol. They very nearly would have killed themselves! As I said, congratulations, I really hope you’re happy with yourself. I’m a fucking angel, but so help me God, I would gladly watch you die if I didn’t know what it would do to Frank!”

 

At that point Gerard was slowly rocking back and forth and crying harder than Frank had ever seen him cry. He himself had retreated into the farthest corner and made himself as small as possible. He only wanted it to stop. This… agony… was a lot more than he could take. Mikey and Ray still stood in the doorway and looked kinda petrified while Zach was leaning against the door frame behind them, nearly fainting by the looks of it. Nobody dared to break the heavy silence, that followed Florence’s fiery speech, but eventually Mikey crossed the room towards his brother. “Is it true? Is that why you ended the band? Because you were too coward to finally do the right thing?”, he hissed deathly quiet. Gerard retreated even more into himself and hung his head. Apparently that was all the answer Mikey needed, because he slapped him across the face. Hard. “I can’t believe you! You fucking asshole!”, he yelled and stormed off into Frank’s direction. Oh shit! He had never seen his friend this furious, Mikey was famous for his poker face! Frank tried to brace himself for the hit he deserved, therefore he jumped in surprise when Mikey fell to the floor in front of him and pulled him into a hug. “I’m so fucking sorry, Frankie! I wish I had come to you and listened to your side of the story… I… I never knew and I was so bitchy around you since the break up… can you forgive me?”, he sniffled softly. Frank couldn’t help it and threw himself into Mikey’s arms. They had been friends long before he had joined the band and he had fucking missed him! It felt so damn good to be held by him again, like coming home after a long-ass tour.

 

“Please!”, Zach wheezed out. “No more! Stop it, I can’t… oh _God!”,_ he moaned as he collapsed and ended up a quivering mess on the floor, clutching both hands to his chest and clenching his jaw. When Frank glanced over at Florence, she wasn’t faring much better, but at least she was still standing. After all she had had a little time to get used to the more intense connection with him down here. His guardian angel turned her back on Gerard and rushed to Frank’s side. Just as Mikey released his hold on him, he threw himself into Florence’s arms. Her words had ripped open old wounds, that had already started to scar, but were now oozing fresh blood. It fucking _hurt_ , as if his heart was on fire. He probably should have gotten over all this shit, at least a little, but he actually hadn’t, like, at all. He felt like a fucking damn, that was just about to burst as a few stray tears fought their way to the surface. Florence’s embrace made it somewhat bearable and he could finally breathe again. She was his fucking lifeline.

 

“What happened, Gerard? Why did Lindsey leave?”, Ray asked in a tight voice and Frank picked up his ears. That was actually a damned good question. He could literally hear Gerard swallow hard, before he whispered: “When I heard of the accident, I kinda… lost it. I had a panic attack, it was pretty bad. Lyn-Z found me and asked me whether I still… l-loved F-Frank. I just couldn’t… Well, she said that she had thought so and that she couldn’t take it anymore. Then she packed her stuff and left. She took Bandit, they should be at her parent’s house by now.” Frank sucked in a sharp breath at that. Whatever he had expected – this certainly wasn’t it. “Alright, so where do you go from here?”, Ray wanted to know next. As always, their band mom was the one keeping his shit together and being the grown up. Old habits die hard. Gee mumbled something along the lines of wanting to disappear, but just as a fresh wave of pain surged through Frank’s chest and Mikey next to him let out a choked whimper, Zach ground out: “No dice! I’ve been working my ass off for years to keep you alive, you don’t get to kick the bucket just like that!” Simultaneously, Florence hissed: “Don’t you _dare!_ ” Gerard sighed heavily and responded: “What’s the point in going on?” Seriously!? Frank really would have loved to punch him, as well.

 

“Well, let’s see… you’ve had multiple opportunities to choose between what would have been right and what was easy. How about you finally make the right choice, man up and spend the rest of your life atoning for what you did to a guy, who loves you so much that it very nearly would have killed him?”, Florence drawled, obviously still pretty pissed. Damn, Frank really didn’t want to find out what it felt like to be at the receiving end of her fury. Reluctantly, he raised his gaze and looked Gerard in the eye for the very first time in ages. His entire face was so goddamn tired, as if he had finally given up for real. Frank found his own excruciating pain mirrored in the features of the one and only person he had ever really wanted to spend his life with. He very nearly would have looked away and hidden beneath Florence’s wings again, but then Gee whispered: “How could you ever still love me after all I put you through, Frankie?” Frank squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in Florence’s shoulder, grateful that her gown somewhat muffled his agonized groan. The last time Gerard had used that pet name, they had still been a thing. Gee had kissed him and told him that he loved him. Right before that last big fight, before everything he had ever wanted had gone up in flames… again.

 

For a long while nobody said a single word and it was eerily quiet in the bathroom. Frank really tried to bite his tongue. He knew only too well that he would regret saying it, but in the end, he just couldn’t keep the words inside. Fuck it, things could hardly get any worse, could they? “That’s the fucking problem! I can’t help it, Gee. I just can’t stop and believe me, I’ve tried. I will always love you, no matter how often you let me down and how much you hurt me. I will always wait for you and you’d know that if you had ever really listened to my songs”, Frank finally managed to say, angrily wiping at his tears. And fuck, it was the truth. He damn well knew that it was fucked up and more than unhealthy, but yeah… it was what it was. Gerard sobbed loudly and buried his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking and his entire body convulsed with his violent crying. “You’re absolutely right, you don’t deserve him. And now go to him and kiss him already, you big moron!”, Zacchaeus croaked from the other side of the room. He looked as if he would either throw up or pass out any second. Frank heard some kind of shuffling, but he didn’t look up. Why should he even get his hopes up, he would be left with a broken heart again, anyway. It always ended that way. Fucking _always_!

 

But then Florence’s arms around him disappeared, he was pulled to his feet and encircled in a familiar warmth as Gerard pressed him against his chest and held onto him for dear life. That was the moment Frank finally broke. A loud wail escaped his throat and he cried into Gee’s rumpled shirt just like he had the night of his wedding. The kind of crying that makes you gasp for breath, because you literally can’t breathe. The dam, that had held back his pain for the last few years burst in a devastating explosion and the flood forced its way out, there was no stopping it. Frank desperately clung to Gerard’s shoulders as his knees threatened to give out under him. It was just too much. He felt like dying, but at the same time the ragged pieces of his heart slowly started to merge back together, because Frank was back where he belonged. And he had fucking _missed_ it! Those strong arms holding him and Gee’s scent… coffee, cigarettes and that after shave, that was just _him._ There simply was no better place than in Gerard’s arms. Suddenly cool fingers lifted his chin and their lips crashed together. Frank’s body reacted instinctively, he pushed himself to his tip toes and just went for it. Maybe this was gonna be the last time he got to do this and he would fucking well make the most of it.

 

He pounced on Gerard and attacked him with everything he had. Lips, teeth, tongue. All he could think was _Gee, Gee, Gee_ and _more, more, MORE!_ It was pure need, they melted into each other, just like all those years ago. Frank let himself go as instinct took over and he shoved his tongue into Gerard’s willing mouth. It was actually a little gross, Gee tasted slightly of booze and vomit, just like the very first time they had kissed, and there was snot everywhere, but to Frank it was utterly perfect. He couldn’t even count how often he had dreamt of this moment and he prayed for time to just stand still and never let this end. There were only the two of them. He didn’t even register how the others left the room, but when they finally broke apart, they were alone.

 

Gerard rested his forehead against Frank’s and whispered: “I love you, Frankie. I always have. It’s just that… I was so scared of it and myself and the world and I hate myself for being such a coward. Your wedding was literally the worst day of my life. God, I’ve imagined so many times how it could have been if I had prevented it, if only I had had the balls… it could have been me by your side that day. I’m so sorry Frankie, I know that I can’t ever make all that up to you. If I had stood by… us… from the beginning, like I should have, we could be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary next year…” Oh fuck, this was everything he had ever wanted to hear from him. Frank’s heart was racing a mile a minute and he had to bite back a sob before he could answer: “I know, Gee. God, I know. I was afraid, too, all the time. But I’ve always been more scared of losing you than of jumping in at the deep end and coming out. I’m still afraid… how can I trust you not to get cold feet again after everything, that happened? I won’t survive another repeat of the same old thing, Gee.” He really wouldn’t, he had barely put himself back together after the last time. And as much as he wanted to believe in a happy ending for them – his heart was too scarred to do so. He had long lost his belief in this kind of miracles. Gerard bit his lip, apparently thinking very hard, before he pulled his cell out of his pocket and began to type something. When he finally turned it around for Frank to see the screen, his eyes very nearly would have bulged out of his head.

 

_I just wanted to tell you all that Lindsey and I are going separate ways from now on. I finally understood that Frank Iero is the love of my life and that I want to spend the rest of my days with him. I never should have let him go in the first place. I love you, Frankie <3_

 

All there was left to do was click on “tweet” and there would be no going back. Frank was utterly speechless. After all those years… He swallowed hard, this was fucking surreal. “Do you… really wanna post that?”, he asked in a very small voice. It was everything he had ever dreamed of and he couldn‘t believe that it might happen in a few seconds… just like that. Gerard nodded and said: “I want you to be happy. And if by some fucking miracle you should still want me, I won’t be a coward any longer. I never want to hurt you again, Frankie, God knows I’ve done enough of that already.” Frank couldn’t think of anything to say to that, therefore he wrapped his good arm around Gee’s neck and pulled him into a smoldering kiss. That was when he remembered the conversation he had had with his brother-in-law only a few hours ago. “Let me call Jamia before you tweet that. I owe her that much and I promised Evan that I wouldn’t cheat on her with you”, he murmured as he rummaged in his pockets for his own phone. “You told him?”, Gerard asked incredulously. “He already knew. And I’m pretty sure he isn’t the only one who guessed what was going on”, Frank replied absentmindedly. The beeping noise had never been so terrifying before. This was the hardest fucking phone call of his entire fucking life. Gee seemed to be quite taken aback by his words and shut up, just as Jamia picked up and said: “Hey baby, how are you?” Oh shit, what was he even doing here? Frank blindly reached for Gerard’s hand and held onto it for dear life. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heartbeat and finally stammered out:

 

“F-Fine. Umm… Jam, there’s something I have to tell you.

“Oh my god, is it Evan?!”

“No, no, he’s alright, he’s gonna be fine. It’s nothing like that, it’s about… us.”

“Frankie…?”

“Jam, I had quite a bit of time to think these days and I… can’t do this any more. I’m sorry. I should have told you way sooner.”

“ _Why_ , Frank?” Silence. “Is there someone else?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“Is it… Gerard?”

 

Frank couldn’t even say it out loud, but apparently he didn’t have to. Jamia was softly crying and he felt his own eyes glaze over. This was so fucking hard, he really wished he never would have hurt her like that. It was fucking unfair, to her, to the kids, to all of them. “God, I was so hoping this was never gonna happen, but… I’m not even surprised. Why couldn’t I be enough for you, Frankie?”, she asked him through her sobs. Frank was crying himself by now, her pain was more than he could bear. “I’m sorry, Jam. I can’t help it, he’s… he’s my… we are like two puzzle pieces, we just belong with each other. I can’t explain it, but that’s how it is”, he murmured, knowing that he had probably just made it even worse for her.

 

“I love you, Frankie.”

“I love you too, Jam. But…”

“Don’t say it. Just… don’t” Silence. “Are you gonna move to L.A. then?“

“Dunno. Probably. I have no fucking clue what’s gonna happen with the band. It’s all just kinda hanging in the air right now, you know? With the guys in hospital and everything…”

 

Gerard smiled at him and squeezed his hand. That was when Frank realized that there was _another_ band he could apply those words to. Now that they had finally put an end to this nerve-wracking dance around each other… could there be another chance for My Chemical Romance, as well? Frank fucking hoped so. He loved that band with all his his heart and he couldn’t wait to get back on a stage with Gee by his side. But this time for real and officially. That would be fucking _awesome_. Jamia took a deep breath and brought him back down to earth.

“What do we tell the kids?”

“The truth. Somehow.”

“Come here when you’re better, I’m not doing this alone.”

“Okay, that’s fair.”

“Fine, tell me when you’re coming over.”

“Okay.”

“I won’t keep them away from you, Frankie, but… I need a little time. Please.”

“Okay. I’m so sorry, Jamia, you don’t deserve this. “

“A fat lot of use that is to me, Frank. No woman deserves being dumped by the love of her life, so that he can be with his best friend, with whom he cheated on her. I’m not fucking stupid.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“The truth. Did you do it?”

“Yes.”

“H-How often?”

“I don’t know. O-Over… over several… years.”

There was a deafening silence after that. Frank had hardly ever been so ashamed of himself. “You’re an asshole, Frank Iero, but I still can’t hate you. You will be there for your children, got it? I can only hope that you did the right thing for yourself, at least”, Jamia hissed at him and ended the call. Frank hung his head and buried his face in Gerard’s shoulder. “Did you listen?”, he asked tiredly. “Yeah. I’m so sorry, this is all my fault”, Gee murmured into his hair. Frank could only chuckle wearily. “Well, I guess none of us covered themselves in glory in that matter”, he stated the fucking obvious. “Still, I made pretty much every mistake I could have”, Gerard protested. Frank didn’t know what to say to that, because it was true. And even though he was over the moon because they apparently were an official couple now, it would take pretty long for his wounds to heal. You could only shatter a heart so often before it took irreparable damage.

 

“Shall I tweet this now or do you want to wait a little? This is gonna be a huge affair, do you need some time?”, Gee wanted to know, but Frank shook his head. “No. I already had way too much time. Do it. Please”, he answered and had never been so sure of anything before. Gerard held his breath as his thumb landed on the small blue button. He was pale and his fingers were shaking, but he followed through with it. Frank immediately felt his own phone go off with the alert and he responded: _Love you too, always have <3_. There. Damn, their fan girls were gonna have a field day and they would probably hear nothing but “frerard” for weeks. What a stupid name. Whatever.

 

Frank looked up into Gerard’s beautiful hazel eyes. Somehow that sparkle had returned, that had been missing for so long that he couldn’t even remember the last time he had seen it. And that beaming smile, weird little teeth on full display and laugh lines crinkling around his eyes! God, he was so beautiful, even after all this time. Yes, he had gained some weight and his shoulder-length brown hair was slightly interspersed with gray at the temples, but to Frank he was still the most attractive guy he had ever seen. And he always would be. Suddenly Gee turned serious and swallowed hard. Frank really tried not to worry about him having second thoughts already, but he couldn’t help it. It had happened simply too often, he had long lost count. But when Gerard finally spoke, Frank realized that he couldn’t have been more wrong. “Frankie… you used to say that you wanted to grow old with me and… m-marry me”, he murmured, his voice raising in pitch towards the end, as if it was a question. “Yeah, I did. And I still want that”, Frank replied sheepishly and literally felt his ears turn pink. God, he’d die to wear Gee’s ring on his finger! “Me too”, Gerard whispered as he stepped back a little and took a deep breath. Next thing Frank knew, Gerard was down on one knee in front of him and stammered: “I… I d-don’t have a ring and I swear, I-I’m gonna do this right as soon as I can, but… I just… have to know. M-Marry me, Frankie?”

 

 _Oh my fucking God_ , was all Frank could think. He pressed both of his hands against his quivering lips and could only make out Gerard’s silhouette through the mist of tears, that clouded his view. Twelve years. Twelve fucking years after they had become a couple he finally got to hear that. Somehow he managed to nod before he collapsed to his knees and pressed his lips to his fiancé’s. Fucking hell, he couldn’t believe it! On the fucking bathroom floor! Frank didn’t give a shit about fancy clothes, romantic bullshit and an over-prized ring. All that mattered was the tiny little word he murmured over and over again: “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, fucking _yes_! That’s all I ever wanted.” Instead of putting a ring on his finger, Gerard gently took his left hand and carefully pulled off his wedding band. Frank’s breath caught in his throat. He had been wearing it for nearly ten years and there was a feeling of finality to it, now that it was removed. But as soon as the slightly scratched, well-worn metal came off, he just felt… free. It was a new beginning. He returned the favor with shaking fingers and placed Gerard’s wedding ring next to his own on the counter.

 

He looked him in the eye and barely had time to notice his wide blown pupils when Gee pounced on him, pressed him against the wall and shoved his tongue into his mouth. Frank moaned deep in his throat and felt his cock twitch in his trousers. It had been too fucking long. His entire body was tingling with anticipation, he was fucking desperate for it. Gee’s hands wandered underneath his jumper and after a short, but intense fight with the straps, that tied his arm to his body, they were both shirtless. Their kiss kinda got out of control, they were biting each others lips, necks, basically every little piece of bare flesh they could reach. It was hot, it was raw, it was fucking perfect. Frank fumbled with Gerard’s belt one-handedly and he cursed under his breath when he didn’t get the damn thing open as quickly as he wanted. But then he finally managed to shove a hand down his pants and they both moaned at the familiar feeling of Frank’s touch on Gerard’s cock. He was just like he remembered him, thick, veiny and slightly curved upwards. And all _his_! Just when Frank had fallen to his knees and was struggling to get Gee entirely out of his pants, the door opened and Mikey and Ray burst into the room. Just fucking great, their timing literally couldn’t be any worse!

 

“Ewww, gross, guys, put some fucking clothes on!”, Mikey yelled and covered his eyes with both hands. Frank scowled at him, but he reached for his jumper, that lay a few feet next to them. Leave it to those two to kill the mood. Fuck you very much for a huge cockblock, he’d have to get back at them for that. “Where are Florence and Zach?”, he asked as soon as they had made themselves somewhat presentable. “Well, that was really weird. We were sitting in the living room and suddenly there was coffee on the table. They told us some crazy story about them being angels and whatnot and then there was a bright light and they were gone. Just like that! Anyway, We’re gonna get going, too, if you don’t mind, you seem to be quite… okay after all. See ya!”, Mikey explained hastily with a bright red face and stumbling over the words as he grabbed Ray’s wrist and dragged him out of the bathroom. Only seconds after that Frank heard the bang of the front door and they were left in silence.

 

“Well, that was interesting”, Gerard deadpanned after a while and Frank responded with a wistful smile. He really would have wanted to properly say goodbye to Florence. He missed her already, but then he remembered that it was probably for the better that she wouldn’t have to witness what he hoped was gonna happen now up close. “I have a shit-load of questions, but I think they can wait until I’ve fucked you senseless”, Gee purred into his ear. Frank felt a shiver run down his spine and immediately yanked off Gerard’s shirt again before he kissed him. Hard. This time they even made it to the bedroom, leaving behind a trail of discarded clothes.

 

It was a blur from there. Frank was shoved onto a comfortable bed, kissed and teased within an inch of his life and all in all driven to the edge of his sanity. Gerard’s lube-slick fingers inside him made his breath hitch and he teared up when they were replaced by his cock. They weren’t tears of pain, though. For the first time in forever Frank was crying with pure happiness. Gerard was so gentle after that. He caressed his body as if it was the most fragile thing he had ever touched and he was afraid to hurt him. He whispered again and again how much he loved him and his kisses were so tender and sweet, that Frank very nearly would have sobbed like a girl just from that. Even Gerard’s thrusts were loving and careful, nearly too careful for Frank’s liking. It was an exquisite kind of torture, never really enough to satisfy the burning need in his loins. But when he finally came after what felt like hours of gentle grinding and thrusting, Franks vision went white and he roared in ecstasy. Hot, thick ropes of cum splattered onto both their chests, just as Gerard exploded inside him and he felt that delicious warmth spread throughout his belly. Only vaguely did he register that Gee cleaned them up and kissed his forehead before they fell asleep in each others arms. When Frank woke up several hours later, there was a letter on the nightstand, next to a gleaming white feather.

 

“ _Be happy, Frankie. Our work down here is done, God herself has allowed me to come back home. I will always watch over you. Just do me a favor and try not to mutilate yourself too much when you jump around onstage again. You can tell Ray and Mikey what happened, but please don’t let anybody but them, Evan and Gerard in on my real identity. Oh, and tell your fiancé that I’m gonna come after him if he ever hurts you again. He better treat you right or I might hide needles in all his underpants! I’m really sorry that I couldn’t say goodbye to you, but I’m pretty sure we’ll meet again someday. I love you and I wish you all the luck in the world. Florence”_


End file.
